Today, Holy Saturday, is traditionally Mary’s day. It was the loneliest Sabath she had ever spent. The sword Simeon had prophesied had pierced her heart through. Traumatized and grieving I don’t think she knew what God would do. Better than anyone she knew her Son’s Divinity as an indisputable fact. She would have known he allowed his own death. Im sure the implications of sacrifice didn’t escape her given the Passover. She didn’t know what God would do but she knew he would do something, that an inscrutable divine process was underway. I think she continued to offer her suffering and the sacrifice of her Son continually, even as she was crushed in a darkness we would find hard to fathom. I am sure she would have done her best to comfort her new family, the disciples, and offer her love, forgiveness and understanding to the ones who denied him or ran away. She let the holy women care for her and she held them when they cried. Sometimes none of them knew what to make of her. She seemed to be…. waiting for something.
“Turn not to the easiest, but to the most difficult,” wrote St. John of the Cross.This principle has been my inspiration for my project for Lent 2022.
By nature I am somewhat reclusive. Solitude, prayer, and reflection come far more easily to me than leaving the house. Leaving the house requires an urgent duty such as work, the request of someone who needs me, or maybe a crowbar.
When people ask me to go to events I usually say no. Sometimes I say maybe and then don’t go. Even events I want to go to I start to dread as the time draws near, and I wish there was a way out of them.
St. Teresa of Avila wrote that the perfect soul is a sublime balance between Mary of Bethany who listened at Jesus’ feet and her sister Martha who served his needs. (See Luke 10:38-42) This soul would be an ellipse dedicated to both prayer and service. If we don’t serve, then have we prayed in a way that allowed Christ to transform us? How can we keep what we have with Jesus if we don’t give it away? How can we grow if we don’t change? Well we can’t.
St. Teresa said the life of prayer should always lead us to “good works, my daughters, good works.” I don’t mind “good works,” and in spite of my love of solitude, I have a full and busy life.
When I am with someone they are the only person in the world to me. However, group interaction with people I don’t know tends to overwhelm me. Make it something official like a meeting for an organization and I am automatically miserable and feel socially inept.
For Jesus this Lent I have been trying to show up anyway, go against my natural inclinations, and expand into new territory. Doing this I have found new dreams and new vistas where Jesus is leading me. I am even on the board now of a new organization to help those in need in our community. (More on that new endeavor at another time.) I have never been on the board of anything and would never have thought that I would be competent to do so. I’m still uncertain but am trying anyway.
In the past I have helped people in a “vigilante” kind of way, just on my own. I thought this was because organizations have so many of what I considered “annoying rules” such as “don’t let random people you help into your car or home, and avoid getting involved in their lives,” etc. I like to be free to let someone take a shower at my house if they need to. I have wanted to be a friend more than to feel like an agent of some kind. I don’t want to have to fill out forms or be impersonal with someone in any way. At least this is what I thought my disinclination was about. It was partly that.
However, through this Lenten project of “going to things” like meetings for charitable concerns, I have come to see that some of my aversion to rules and organizations comes also from the fact that I am willful and kind of flakey, or I have been in the past. I didn’t want to be accountable. I didn’t want to have to help every day or on a schedule. I liked to do whatever I wanted when I wanted and the way I wanted, mostly as opportunities to help naturally came my way. Well that is a new insight into my selfish nature I had not looked at before.
What I am learning now by experience is that collaboration with other people and organizations on behalf of a person or people in need, is one of the most powerful forces for change in the world. You probably already knew that but I didn’t. I am continually surprised how much can be done when people put their heads together to do something good.
I am learning that showing up makes even my home life and my prayer life more fruitful and creative. I feel inspired. I even feel like my life has taken a turn down a new path and all I did was go to things. While there, I tried to keep an honest, open and willing heart even if I was nervous and uncomfortable. Maybe the Martha and Mary parts of my soul are influencing one another and working together in new ways. Maybe they can be friends.
I’m still a hermit type. I’m still nervous at meetings and I still wish I could stay home. But I’m excited too that Jesus is doing something new with me even though it is still somewhat unknown. For me, following him into this new adventure is a big step.
And what about you? What are you doing or what can you do that may be new or come less easily for you? Where might Jesus be taking you?
Whether your journey with the Lord this Lent is inward or out into the world, may the same love of Christ urge us on.
I stopped eating meat October 1, 1985. I was 17. I did not yet believe in God, having been raised without religion. However I think this life choice at 17 was the beginning of a journey toward God for me.
I was a punk rocker as a teen in the eighties. I was very serious about it. I was in a local punk band. I had a punk radio show on the college radio station. I was as politically active as a teenager who can’t vote can be, very concerned about the possibility of nuclear war, (lots of people were then of course, during the Cold War) about poverty, the environment, human rights.
I was withdrawn with most actual people though, holding society largely in contempt, except for my closest friends. To me people cared about all the wrong things and too often were inauthentic and mean. My dad raised a good point when he said, “Why do you want to save the world so much when you hate everybody in it?” I didn’t have the answer to that. I didn’t know. I had the self awareness to figure out what I believed in and act on it as best I could, but not enough to know why I wanted to save a world I had so much disdain for.
My best friend in High School, Philip Iselt, and I picked up a book about vegetarianism in ’85, and we read it aloud together after school. It was a pretty radical book called Animal Rights by Peter Singer. I don’t think it would be my favorite now. However it opened our minds to the fact of animal suffering and what happens in factory farming. We read all we could about this issue for the next few months.
Hello
We decided on October 1 of that year to quit meat together, support one another and hold each other accountable. Going vegetarian is pretty easy these days as far as finding stuff to eat. However, it was not easy in a small Texas town in 1985. Not at all. There were no “garden burgers” or “Beyond Meat” patties at the grocery store, definitely not much vegetarian fair at all in the school cafeteria. Restaurants offered you salad, and usually of the iceberg lettuce and pale tomato variety.
I remember having to go way into our sister city to find shampoo and other personal items not tested on animals at a tiny health food store called Calico Foods, if memory serves.
I gave away my awesome black leather motorcycle jacket I had found at a second hand store for $10. I gave away my combat boots I had gotten from the army surplus store.(Back then it was so hard to find any for my small feet!) Since I was trying to embrace nonviolence I got rid of the ammunition belt I had bought from the army surplus store. too that I used to wear.
My favorite food had been chicken fried steak. Ooph. Giving it up wasn’t easy.
I was responsible for cooking for my dad and myself back then. My parents were divorced and at that time I lived with Dad. He was pretty annoyed. He wanted to know my limits. “No fish either?” I explained I didn’t want to eat any living thing that could suffer; nothing, certainly, with flesh that would try to avoid being killed. He said, “Why don’t you just not eat anything that smiles at you?” My dad is funny.
My mom was supportive about it but a little worried whether this was a healthy choice. Once she saw I was reading about what to eat and also seemed OK she was OK too.
I found a little paperback vegetarian cook book called Laurel’s Kitchenat Calico Foods. Philip and I learned a new way to eat from that lovely book which is still my favorite cookbook. I’ve had to buy new copies many times over the years. It has since been updated. And now that I am vegan I just adjust the recipes for that.
The choice to go meatless was the first intentional lifestyle choice I ever made, and the first one that was a sacrifice. It was my first try at anything ascetic. I believe this was a gentle inspiration from God. The Lord knew how to reach my heart and begin to open it: with animals and Philip, who was a gentle soul I loved very much.
Like any decision that lasts a lifetime, my commitment to vegetarianism has grown, broadened, deepened and evolved for me. I broadened my reasons to include not only the animals but the good of the poor around the world, and care of the environment. I believe that the sacrifice of not eating meat opened my heart and helped me become a more gentle person, even opening my heart just that little bit more to God who created all life. My sense of connection grew into being a part of me.
There is a sense of joy that comes with a vegetarian way of life. It’s an aesthetic choice to me as well. It seems to me to be a more beautiful way to live.
I shared it with my children and raised them vegetarian from the womb.
Conversion and many years of prayer have given me a sense of open-ness and tenderness toward all life that only fills out my dedication.
I don’t have any problem liking and loving people anymore either, thanks be to God.
No our Catholic faith does not require vegetarianism though there is an ascetic tradition of it that runs through our history, especially in some religious orders. Though there is no requirement in our faith for it, I do see a plant based diet as being in line with charity, care for our common home, and positive self denial. I would also argue that in these times, it is no longer necessary to eat animals or even dairy. If we can go without doing so, why not let meat go? Biblical people ate meat sparingly unless they were rich. They would have had milk in season, in the Spring when it was naturally available. Now we manipulate the bodies of animals and raze the land so that most of us have dairy and meat several times a day. Why not cut back? Every little bit helps.
Go vegetarian!
I have been vegan on and off, a year or so here and there. When my husband and I were fighting his brain cancer, we went vegan as part of that. He had glioblastoma multiforme. He made it two and a half years after diagnosis with a grade four brain tumor which ten years ago was pretty good. There were a lot of reasons for his living with it so long. I think eating super healthy was at least one of them.
After his death I had trouble eating at all so I went back to just vegetarianism.
The way I got back to veganism a few years ago was going vegan on the Fridays of Lent. After a while I added Wednesdays as well. Once Easter came, I thought, “This is working out!” So I have stayed with it. I’m very grateful. When I make a beautiful vegan meal, with all it’s colorful happiness, I always thank God that I have been able to do this.
I recently read an article from America magazine that suggested going meatless every Friday and not just during Lent the way the Church used to do and how much it would benefit the world. Obviously I think this is a wonderful idea. Why not? It could do you good, do the world good, aid you to live in love just that little bit more.
As we prepare for this Lent of 2022, it seems to me the timing is good. With Russia invading Ukraine before the eyes of the world and as we watch and pray, deeply affected, this period of intensifying our prayer comes particularly welcome. Lent is the perfect time to remember our ability to heal the world and touch others with the power and love of God as we draw nearer to him on the path toward Easter that is Lent.
People Francis has said,
“I would like to appeal to everyone, believers and non-believers alike. Jesus taught us that the diabolical evil of violence is answered with the weapons of God, with prayer and fasting.
I invite everyone to make next March 2, Ash Wednesday, a day of fasting for peace. I encourage believers in a special way to devote themselves intensely to prayer and fasting on that day. May the Queen of Peace preserve the world from the madness of war.”
I am reminded that the disciplines we take up for Lent are not just for ourselves and our personal relationship with Jesus or merely for our own improvement and transformation. We aren’t going to the spiritual beauty shop or to the gym of souls for a virtues workout for our own peace of mind about ourselves. No. This is not only about ourselves.
Not only are we accompanying our beloved Lord into the desert to pray and be with him. No. When we accompany him, we accompany his brothers and sisters who suffer as well.
There is yet another aspect of our Lenten practices of prayer, fasting and alms giving, which is that these things we do can change the world.
As Catholics we know that everything we do affects everyone everywhere because we are all connected. This is why after Confession we don’t simply walk away free but we first do penance for our sins. Usually our penance is to remain in the church a while for prayer and reflection in some way that the priest suggests. Why do we do that? Fr. Greg McLaughlin explained it to me this way: when we have done something to harm someone else, it is best not only to apologize but to make amends as well. Because we are all connected to one another our sins, even our personal ones we think only hurt ourselves, harm everyone else on a spiritual level. So we make spiritual amends to repair the damage we have done.
When we pray, fast and make personal sacrifices in union with Jesus and his own sacrifice, he shares his salvific power with us. This is one of the ways we already reign with Christ.
As St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein) put it:
“The world is in flames. Are you impelled to put
them out? Look at the cross. From the open heart
gushes the blood of the Savior. This extinguishes the
flames of hell. Make your heart free by [your commitment to God]; then the flood of divine
love will be poured into your heart until it overflows
and becomes fruitful to all the ends of the earth. Do
you hear the groans of the wounded on the
battlefields in the west and the east? You are not a
physician and not a nurse and cannot bind up the
wounds. You … cannot get
to them. Do you hear the anguish of the dying? You
would like to be a priest and comfort them. Does the
lament of the widows and orphans distress you? You
would like to be an angel of mercy and help them.
Look at the Crucified. If you are…bound to
Him…your being is precious blood. Bound to Him,
you are omnipresent as He is. You cannot help here
and there like the physician, the nurse, the priest.
You can be at all fronts, wherever there is grief,
in the power of the cross. Your compassionate
love takes you everywhere, this love from the
Divine Heart. Its Precious Blood is poured
everywhere, soothing, healing, saving. The eyes of
Whatever you undertake for Lent, whatever prayers, commitments, holy reading, various forms of fasting and self denial, do it intentionally and dedicate your actions, reflections and prayers for the good of the world, for peace, for all who suffer. When you receive Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist, you can offer your Communion for peace.
Remember that united to the Heart of God, you can set out in the Spirit across the world with Jesus, with Mary, and touch every face.
I thought I wasn’t going to be able to attend the “Listening Session with the Bishop” because I had already missed a day of work that week, and was going to miss another one for a funeral. I was sure I was going to have to work that night and wouldn’t be able to go. I admit to being a little relieved, actually. I am such an introvert. Furthermore, I have social anxiety. I never want to go anywhere. Even things I want to do I start dreading when the day arrives. I knew the Synod was my responsibility though. I knew if the opportunity presented itself I should go and would go.
As it turns out I got off work early so I was not off the hook after all. I had just enough time beforehand to start dreading it.
I admit that another fear of mine was that I would leave feeling disappointed or angry and alienated or all of those things.
I confess that I have felt that way a lot already as a Catholic for a while now. Sometimes it is worse than others. There are a few reasons for this but they are exactly the ones that are a big deal to me.
The abuse crisis and the adversarial treatment of survivors of clergy sexual abuse and tone deaf pronouncements on the crisis by Church leaders were hard to get over. I had started to acclimate myself to this new reality we are living with and find ways to express myself about it which helped a lot.
After the murder of George Floyd, I was largely horrified by the reactions of white Catholics. I know y’all saw the same thing and heard the same running commentary so I won’t elaborate here. I live in a very conservative town but I suppose I was naive about what that would mean when it came to this issue in the age of Trumpian politics. I care deeply about racial justice for a variety of reasons. I am not perfect but am working on being more aware of these things. I have also not learned how best to talk to fellow white people who freak me out on that topic. Presently I have to be aware of my limitations and some people I have learned not to engage.
I was extremely disappointed in the response of local and national Church leaders in the wake of the racial reckoning that followed George Floyd’s death. In fact I was aghast about their absence on the scene. In my town, even at prayer rallies on racial justice sponsored by several local churches, none of the five Catholic Churches in our deanery participated and none of them held their own events either.
Our town is CONSERVATIVE yet people really turned out for George Floyd outside the courthouse and the busiest street in town to show support and demand action There were local church pastors there and even in the lead. There was an area set up for prayer with someone always there to pray with anyone who wanted to. A local Orthodox priest was even there. Not one Catholic priest.
Local churches signed a letter about their commitment to racial justice that was published in our home town paper. There was nothing against Catholic teaching in the letter. Not one of our Catholic parishes was on that list. Some Bishops went out of their way to condemn Black Lives Matter but did nothing of their own to stand with Black People, to stand with Black Catholics. A couple of them did. The Bishop of El Paso even marched with BLM. All in all however, the response was paltry in some cases. and abhorrent in others.
The division in the Church politically has become as ugly if not more ugly than it is everywhere else. Some people hate the Pope. Some Bishops hate the Pope. We can’t stand each other and go on the attack on social media. It’s a mess.
So I was worried I would just feel even more the way I already did.
Plus the introvert thing.
And the social anxiety.
However I prayed and I went.
Not that many people were there. This may be due to the lack of advertising about it and unclear information about who was invited to what session. I didn’t hear about it once at my own parish though the one I attended was supposed to be regional. My attempts to call around and ask were pretty much fruitless, the information scanty and/or incorrect. I don’t know what’s going on with that. If nobody else did either that is probably why the attendance was not impressive.
There were several tables set up, and some coffee, tea and snacks on the counter. Wandering around and recognizing nobody I picked a table where there was a couple with kindly faces who smiled at me. It took a while before I noticed it was the bilingual table. I’m not bilingual though I took Spanish at school I don’t know that much nowadays. I apologized and offered to move. They said, “Stay!” So I stayed.
Bishop Joe Vasquez arrived and made the rounds visiting various tables. I have never met him before. He has a peaceful and gentle face. I thought he was adorable!
Bishop Joe Vasquez of the Diocese of Austin
A bilingual woman from the Diocese named Leslie came to sit with us. People started talking. Some of them knew the Bishop and took pictures with him.
People began arriving late, probably just getting off work.
Another woman from the Diocese who oversees Catholic Schools got up to talk to us about what to expect. She also let us know this was not about airing grievances or debating with others especially about Church teaching. This was about praying for the Holy Spirit’s guidance to know how we can do our part in discerning his guidance in the direction of the Church in Communion Participation and Mission. It was about listening as well as speaking.
The questions for consideration were different and much more thought provoking than the ones my daughter told me about when she was completing the online survey.
They showed us a series of power points with sets of questions. Of each set we could personally pick one to answer, one that stood out to us. Then we had a couple minutes to pray and consider. This part of the process reminded me of Lectio Divina; the way we read, take a word or phrase that stands out, ponder and pray what God could be saying to us and then respond to it.
After we had done this, we then took turns at the table discussing what we came up with. I was not only welcome at the bilingual table but Leslie and others translated everything everyone said for me. This was most kind. I was a little worried we wouldn’t have enough time that way for everyone to speak but it worked out fine.
People at my table were friendly and warm. I felt so comfortable I forgot to be anxious.
Highlights for me were were hearing the answers around my table about how the Church can reach out more. Most of the people at the table were from Santa Teresa, a primarily Hispanic parish in the downtown area. One of their ministries involves knocking on doors and talking to people. One man told a story about a house where they were verbally attacked by an angry anti-Catholic family. Their group’s response was to listen instead of reacting. The mother of this family in particular was extremely upset. She felt “attacked” by the Church, she said. The ministry group encouraged her to talk about what happened. I don’t remember what happened but the woman had been very hurt by the Church to the point she felt she had to leave. They listened to everything she had to say and then they apologized to her, “on behalf of the Catholic Church.” She started crying and was very moved by that. She kept thanking them when they left. “What!?” I exclaimed, “I need to learn Spanish so I can come with y’all!” “You are very welcome! Come with us anyway!” Other people around the table said in response to the story, “That’s beautiful!”
One of the questions on the screen was about where we find joy in our life in the Church. I really liked that. Another one in that set was about whether there were any barriers to us participating in Church life and liturgy. When it was my turn I said that my parish is very alive and active and the presence of the Spirit is easily felt there. I love it. However, I don’t participate in many ministries largely because of the requirement to take classes about sexual abuse and how it happens etc. I had not planned on talking about it but I said that as an abuse survivor those classes are very triggering for me. I don’t sleep well and feel all messed up for a week. Even the one- on- one milder version threw me. So I just stopped being a Eucharistic Minister for instance when the classes began to be required for that. Everyone just listened to me kindly.
Some people at my table were much involved in catechesis and I was struck by their devotion to children and the young, by the gentleness in their faces and voices when they spoke of it and of the things they hoped to do for the young in their parish.
I began to have fun. I felt very at home with them and I started to feel like I almost understood when they spoke Spanish. They were good natured about my mistakes when I tried to use any Spanish I knew. They didn’t seem to mind that I am a little awkward in general.
When one of the questions asked who the marginalized in the Church were and how the Church can better reach them and include them, I answered slightly differently than I had thought I might on my drive over. When it was my turn I said I thought there were very few black Catholics in our area. I know in some places there are more, such as in Louisiana and Houston. There are a couple of primarily black parishes in our outlying counties. However at any given mass here in town there are anywhere from no black people at all or just two or three if that. This bothers me. My granddaughter is black. She starts CCD classes next Fall. She will be the only black child in her class without a doubt. I wish things weren’t that way. I thought that we as Church would seem like a welcoming place for African Americans if we stood up for racial justice more publicly, if we lifted up black Saints, and had more black Catholic leaders speak in our parishes more, or asked our black brothers and sisters what they would like to see us do. The others nodded solemnly and supportively.
Some of them mentioned the elderly being marginalized and that we needed more ministries devoted to them and to host more activities for them, visit them more. Others mentioned the poor. I mentioned single moms, having been widowed when my children were very young. I felt loved and supported by the community but single moms and single parent families being mentioned sometimes and our particular problems addressed would be good and make us feel we belonged more.
During another part someone from each table was invited to stand up and either give a summary or say something they wanted to say.
Some of what people said at this stage annoyed me but I felt like a good sport. We need their voices too.
One table thought that the devotees of the Latin Mass were the marginalized.
Another table said the Church needed to focus on the family more. (“What?” I thought. The Church focuses on the family the family the family all the time!)
Someone said we should all stop complaining to the priest about what tree gets cut down and other minor issues and let them care for souls.
One table said that in “olden times” the Church was somewhere people could go when they were in trouble and get help and consolation. The poor could come for assistance. However these days we send these people to other places (I assume they meant St. Vincent de Paul) and don’t deal directly with them. I have discussed that before with others and know it to be a contentious issue for some. However everyone just listened.
Hey I see that the Holy Father is on to something. We all just listened to one another. And the world didn’t blow up.
I had started to see people I knew and even a whole table full of people from my parish, St. Mary’s by the end of it. However I stayed at my table because I loved it over there.
One person stood up and talked about the importance of being people of prayer. He was basically talking about The Practice of the Presence of God and praying without ceasing. I found out later I had known him in High School and that he likes my column in the paper.
By the end the mood was festive. In fact I think it was festive the whole time. (Joy and a sense of Community: true signs of the Holy Spirit at work!)
We ended in thanks and prayer. The adorable Bishop Vasquez began to pose in pictures with various groups of people. My fellow table mates all thanked one another and I said I had to go to Santa Teresa more often. Everyone said they would keep an eye out for my book.
It was good. I reflected on the way home that the Holy Spirit was certainly at work in that process, on the move among us.
It may sound dramatic but I felt that the load of anger and alienation had been lifted for me. I still have the same values as before. But I felt part of the Universal Church much more than I have in a good while.
At my table we had all agreed that this Synod was a very significant step toward healing and renewal for the Church.
The Pope wishes to “consult with the people of God” through the process of a “Synod on Synodality.”
He says, “a teaching Church must be a listening Church.” Therefore for this new Synod not only will Pope Francis and the Bishops discuss, pray and discern about Communion, Participation, and Mission in the direction of our Church, but lay people are invited to join in the discernment and discussion as well.
This may sound strange. Perhaps it is even disconcerting to Catholic ears to have the laity involved in a Synod. However, remember that we too are the Church, not just the hierarchy alone. We should be part of this!
In order that our leaders may hear what the Spirit may have to say through the people, it is important that we all participate. All of our baptized are called. If you have left the Church, if you no longer practice the Faith, I hope you will also let your voice be heard. We need to hear from you, too.
Each of us has our agendas, things about the Church that we are upset about or hope will change. Let’s endeavor, however, to be receptive as well as expressive. I think we should take this invitation very seriously in a spirit of prayer and discernment, seeking the will of God in what we are to say.
How is this process going to work?
The first phase of this “Synod on Synodality” began with the Bishops and the Holy Father in Rome in October 2021. The second phase, the “listening phase,” is already underway in our Austin Diocese. Locally, one parish here is hosting open listening sessions.
There will be small groups formed at the session to discuss the questions for consideration, dialogue and prayer together.
The student parish here is holding discussions with its parish council only which I think is disappointing.
Our other three local parishes have not begun the process as yet but they will according to how this should work.
Should you be uncomfortable discussing these things in public or you can’t make a listening session, there is a survey available on the Diocesan website you can fill out at austindiocese.org/synod to participate. Check with your own Diocese for what is being done for the Synod and how you can participate.
What happens after all of this listening? What everyone has said will be taken into another listening session with the Bishop who will then take it with him to the next phase of the Synod in Rome in 2023 with his brother Bishops and the Holy Father. Do the Popes and the Bishops have to do as we say? No, they are still the Pope and the Bishops. Their authority is still their authority. However they do want to hear from us and they do care what we have to say. They will be discussing how to incorporate this listening process more in the future.
The prospect of the invitation to be a part of this Synod has stirred new hope in me; the most hope I have felt for the healing and renewal of the Church since 2002 when the abuse crisis broke. The first step in healing and for the renewal of our communion, participation and mission is this listening and being heard. This will build trust between the laity and the hierarchy and has the potential to renew and restore.
We live in difficult times for the Church. However, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed…struck down, but not destroyed. (See 2 Corinthians 4:8) Our Church is sturdy enough to guide us through two millennia of Christianity, and also dynamic enough for the same and into the future. We are still the Church that the gates of hell will not overcome. (Matt. 16:18b.) So let’s take courage and take part, trusting this process and in the Holy Spirit active within it to bring good fruit and new hope.
Another part of taking this seriously is to pray steadfastly and persistantly for the whole process. As a Carmelite, an important part of living our charism is to pray for the Church.
When I set myself to pray in a dedicated way for something or someone the first thing I do is go to Confession. I have noticed that that sacrament tends to grant me clarity of heart and I think I am better able to discern how to pray the way the Holy Spirit wants me to then. At the suggestion of my friend Julia, I have set an alarm on my phone to pray for the Synod daily at noon. I already pray the Angelus at noon so that is easy. I dedicate the Angelus for Synod and I pray for participation and the movement of the Spirit in the Church through this, for the Bishops and the Holy Father and for all of us to discern the voice of God in what we receive and say, for healing and renewal in the Church.
We can offer any suffering we experience during the day for the Synod, and after the example of St. Therese, offer our small sacrifices through the day, the work we do, remembering this intention at mass when we receive communion.
If the timing works out, we could pray a novena to the Holy Spirit. We can offer a rosary, or our time in silent interior prayer, or your time in adoration. In whatever way we pray and remember God, we can ask for open-ness of heart and the inspiration of the Spirit.
Here is the prayer suggested by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops for this Synod. It is a simplified version of the one used at Vatican II and also during the Synods of the past.
“We stand before You, Holy Spirit, as we gather together in Your name.
With You alone to guide us, make Yourself at home in our hearts;
Teach us the way we must go and how we are to pursue it.
We are weak and sinful; do not let us promote disorder.
Do not let ignorance lead us down the wrong path nor partiality influence our actions.
Let us find in You our unity so that we may journey together to eternal life and not stray from the way of truth and what is right.
All this we ask of You, who are at work in every place and time, in the communion of the Father and the Son, forever and ever.
I can’t remember the last time I wrote a Christmas letter. It was probably when my daughters were little and maybe I wrote about all the new things they had been doing as they grew. They are twenty-four (Roise) and twenty-eight (Maire) now and still changing and growing. I still love them to pieces. I am still very much a part of their daily lives. I am happy about that.
For Maire this has definitely been a year of growth and change. She has been more reflective and introspective lately than I have ever seen her. She has made some courageous decisions this year that cost her dearly but I know she will come out shining as she always has. She still lives in her school bus (converted into a tiny house. I’m told these are called “Schoolies”) She has carried on my mom’s ardent gardening and has done some amazing things out on the land. It looks great out there. It’s such a joy to have her back home in Texas these last couple of years instead of on a mountain top in Oregon. Now she is only forty-five minutes away! She is still working as a secretary, still raising her two little boys, Blaze and Brazos who are having an amazing, imaginative childhood steeped in lore and nature.
Maire
Blaze is the most tender and sweet boy you could ever meet. He is a dreamy little five year old with lovely eyes. He is a great little story teller of the fantastical. He is the loudest kid on any playground since his speaking voice is all shouting. Notably he saw someone whose truck wouldn’t start and asked the guy if he had jumper cables because it sounded like the battery. He volunteered his dad’s jumper cables. Once the truck was jump-started the man tried to give Blaze a dollar. Blaze said, “No that’s OK. I love helping people!”
Blaze
Brazos is the most expressive kid I have ever seen. His facial expressions are eloquent for a two year old, his eyes intense. His face is always changing too, his emotions fluttering by like ripples in a lake. He’s speaking better and better every day. I am continually surprised how he can put sentences together more and even talk in paragraphs like a pro. He is as tough and spunky as his brother and the two roll around and wrestle like a pile of puppies.
Brazos
My youngest daughter, Roise and her five year old daughter Arelani had to move in with me when our apartment complex couldn’t get the rodents out of her building. This has been rough because my apartment is a one bedroom. I had just signed a new lease but I am relieved I can transfer us to a two bedroom where there will be places for everyone and their things. The kitchen is a little bigger too, thank goodness. My mom would have said this one I have now is a “one butt kitchen.” The new one looks like almost a two butt kitchen.
Roise is still hilarious, still a guitarist and wonderful singer-song-writer, still working on becoming a Special Ed teacher. She transfers to Sam Houston this Spring semester. She has kept her grades up in spite of the stress of being a young single mom and going to school full time and being invaded by unstoppable rodents!
Roise
Arelani started Kindergarten this year and is doing very well. She is so smart she drives us crazy with all of her questions and interests. Her vocabulary is astonishing. She has been going through a bit of an existential crisis lately, reminiscent of her mother at this age. The other day, the boys and I came outside and said “Hello world!” Lani said, “The world is nothing and everybody is dust -they can’t answer you.” I tried to explain. She said stubbornly, “ NO ONE will respond!”
Arelani Marie
For me this is the year I finished my book, which will be called Come to Mary’s House: Spending Time with the Blessed Mother. (I wrote more about my book here.) Writing it has been such a spiritual journey. Also I can’t believe there was this much agony over a little 30,000 word book but there was. It is my first book so I was worried that I would turn it in and Our Sunday Visitor would say, “Nope we don’t like it. Kindly pay back your advance and leave us alone.” But they didn’t say that! Thank goodness! What’s happening now is I am working with a “developmental editor.” I was so so scared about what she would change about my book but she didn’t make any, as she called them, “substantive edits.” She loved the book and all she did was a little touch here and there. I would call her work elegant. She made me sound a bit smoother and more grown up and professional than before.
Otherwise I have been working with Zane as his care giver. He is turning eighteen this month which I can hardly believe. He is such a cool kid and I have loved spending time with him. I love his family too. They are all easy to love. Zane is nonverbal but he knows everything! We have a great connection and I feel very close to him. I read aloud to him a lot and like any teen he loves listening to music. I am always looking for new music for him or a book he might like. We spend most of our time outside. He loves being outdoors. Sometimes he walks around outside touching the plants and inspecting everything. Mostly he just likes to hang out. So that is what we do.
Zane and me
At this writing Roise is out of town so it’s just me and Arelani. She is engaged in building a fort. My apartment is in absolute chaos so she may as well drag the furniture and the bedclothes around anyway.
The most horrible thing that happened this year was the police shooting of a young black man in front of my apartment. I wrote about it here.
The saddest news I have from this year is that we lost my wonderful mama-in-law on August 1 to cancer. She was my favorite atheist, an activist and social justice warrior. She was intelligent, warm, and loving. She was the most Jesus like atheist you could ever meet with a great heart for service and dedication to the greater good. She never made a big deal out of her good deeds. Being altruistic and caring for others was just who she was. She and I became as close as we were when we were my husband, Bob’s support team as he fought Brain Cancer. We supported one another through that tough time too, as well as afterwards. When Arelani learned to read I wanted to call her. I’m always wanting to call her.
Ann Chapman, wonderful mama- in- law
Our Christmas plans involve migrating across the land of parking lot in hopes of a better life in the other apartment. There I plan to set up the Christmas tree and have all the kids over to make cookies and decorate. I already have the cookie cutters. We will do a family prayer service and bless the tree and the Nativity scene as always. Our family tradition also includes singing, “I want to walk as a child of the Light” when I put the star on, last of all.
Our traditional family music for Christmas is Dead Can Dance’s album Aion. We also like the old classics like Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald and all those guys. We are sure to gleefully listen to Aye Aye Aye it’s Christmas too, by Ricky Martin. A neighbor gave us the CD years ago and we still listen to it every year. Traditionally, like a lot of people around here, we have Tex-Mex for Christmas dinner. I’m vegan so I make my stuff separately otherwise the meal is vegetarian, involving lots of cheese, beans and rice, chips and salsa and iced tea.
We will blow out the candles on Jesus’ birthday cake and I will make everyone sing him the Happy Birthday Song (and many mooooooooore!)
I haven’t shopped for Christmas yet so I had better get with it. The important thing is that though we have lost so many people in our family, the girls and I still have each other and we have these amazing kids with us as well.
God bless you all this Christmas! May you have a moment in the midst of all the activity and family time to immerse yourself in the clear light of Christmas and encounter the tender Savior deep in your hearts.
“Give me the grace to recollect myself in the little heaven of my soul where You have established Your dwelling. There You let me find You, there I feel that You are closer to me than anywhere else, and there You prepare my soul quickly to enter into intimacy with You … Help me O Lord, to withdraw my senses from exterior things, make them docile to the commands of my will, so that when I want to converse with You, they will retire at once, like bees shutting themselves up in the hive in order to make honey.”
St. Teresa of Jesus (Avila)
The Prayer of Recollection is an extremely simple method of prayer described by St. Teresa of Jesus (Avila) in Chapter 26 of The Way of Perfection. She says it was a method the Lord Himself taught her, and that she never knew what it was to pray with satisfaction until she learned it.
Over time, the method was embroidered with all kinds of steps and complications I can’t follow. I much prefer the simplicity of her original teaching.
To begin with, make time to be alone with God in silence. Relax in whatever way works for you. Close your eyes and be conscious of His presence. Make the Sign of the Cross.
Make an examination of conscience and silently pray an Act of Contrition, either the set prayer or your own words. I sometimes think of this as the Lord tenderly washing my face as a mother does her child’s.
Now, knowing Jesus is with you, pray with Him, slowly and attentively the prayer He taught us. As you do this, pay attention to what you are saying. Be aware the whole time, of Who it is you are speaking to. Pray “Our Father…”
Now, as St. Teresa says, “look at Him.”
How do we “look” at Jesus? Where is He? We know Jesus is present within us, living and accessible. So we bring our awareness to this truth and we stay there, attentive to Him. It may help you to imagine Him looking at you, being with you, because it is true. Imagination can help us stay anchored with Him. So can silently praying His Name, or mentally hearing Him speak His words from the Gospel directly to you. Eventually Imagination, words, intellect fall away and are not needed anymore in prayer. That will be God’s doing. Always be receptive to that. But when imagination, His Name, or words of Scripture can help you keep the eyes of your soul on Him, they are good tools.
I am not asking you now to think of Him, or to form numerous conceptions of Him, or to make long and subtle meditations with your understanding. I am asking you only to look at Him. For who can prevent you from turning the eyes of your soul (just for a moment, if you can do no more) upon this Lord?
St. Teresa of Jesus
Your mind is going to go everywhere. This is normal. The important thing is to bring it back gently every time and continue to be attentive to Him with you.
Now, fully aware of Him and present to Him is there anything you would like to say to Jesus? Do you have anything to ask Him? Do you feel He is saying anything to you? Let yourself talk with Him, and try to be receptive to His presence and love, to anything He may be communicating to you.
Stay with Him.
I like to close with a set prayer such as the Glory Be.
Now make the Sign of the Cross.
Make this prayer a part of your daily life, and make spending time with the Friend who you know loves you, a consistent priority, so that your friendship with Jesus will grow better, richer, deeper and more solid than ever before. Start with a few minutes and as you can add time, do so. The standard amount of time is half an hour with this prayer. However, any amount of time you can give to this God can work with!
Once again I assure you that, if you are careful to form habits of the kind I have mentioned, you will derive such great profit from them that I could not describe it even if I wished. Keep at the side of this good Master, then, and be most firmly resolved to learn what He teaches you; His Majesty will then ensure your not failing to be good disciples, and He will never leave you unless you leave Him. Consider the words uttered by those Divine lips: the very first of them will show you at once what love He has for you, and it is no small blessing and joy for the pupil to see that his Master loves him.
St. Teresa of Jesus
Truly prayer is about love. So sit with Jesus and let yourself be loved. Doing this you also become a spiritual channel for the outflow of His love and grace to the whole world.
“The Lord will dawn on you in radiant beauty. You shall see his glory within you.” — Liturgy of the Hours
We are sitting in my living room, reflecting silently together in the glow of the blinking lights of the Christmas tree. It looks particularly lovely in the dark. Its light turns the smooth, gentle face of my companion from pink to yellow to blue and back again. She seems content with her tea in a flowery cup from our kitchen.
“St. Therese, what is Christmas?” I ask.
She likes this question. I have been trying and trying to write about her, but she wanted me to interview her about Christmas. So we’re talking about Christmas.
“It is the time that the children of God remember and celebrate the birth of the infant Jesus.”
She smiles with a faraway look, “It is also a time that once again the doors of heaven swing open, great graces and torrents of spiritual light are poured into the world. The child Jesus will come to each person in a special way, to be reborn in each soul, all the world receives a blessing from heaven.”
“So many people have a hard time with Christmas, St. Therese. Some people have trouble with their families, don’t have money for gifts, or are agitated and stressed at Christmas, or they get their feelings hurt at their family celebration, or things don’t go the way they want them to, or they feel lonely or they are grieving. Can you address situations like that?”
She looks at me tenderly, knowing my mixed feelings at this time of the year, and that, as I said, they are shared by far too many others. She herself suffered grief, sorrow, loneliness, depression, severe illness and disappointment.
“I want God’s children to know that Jesus truly comes to them in all humility and with love. Just as he left his beautiful heaven to be with us on earth, so he comes to be in your soul, a heaven infinitely more dear to him because of his love, his personal love for you. When you are tired, look inside and find the little beggar of love. Cradle him, cherish him; look at him. Find a moment of peace there in the Christmas stable of your heart and he will give you his grace.”
“What should we do if we are disappointed or get our feelings hurt with our families at Christmas?”
“One Christmas when I was 13, my family got back from midnight Mass, and my father was very tired and grumpy. I overheard him say he hoped this was the last year for presents for me because I was getting a little old for this. I was crushed! I had been a very sensitive child ever since the death of my mother when I was little. My family doted on me, but they knew a torrent of tears was coming and they dreaded it. I ran upstairs to cry. Somehow something happened before I reached the top stair. Everything changed for me. A new strength, a new tenderness touched my soul. I encountered in the depths of my heart the light and tenderness of the Holy Child and in an instant I just … changed my mind. My tears dried, I turned around, came back down the stairs and surprised my family very much with my joyful opening of presents and sharing with them all the happiness of the occasion. It was a Christmas miracle!”
“How do we get in touch with the grace you describe in that transforming moment of your life?”
“If I reflect on it, I see that I had been preparing myself for that moment by making small sacrifices wherever I could. I saw this as adorning my heart with freshly gathered flowers for Jesus. Some of these were violets and roses, others were cornflowers or daisies or forget-me-nots. I wanted all the flowers I could gather to cradle the baby Jesus in my heart. “
She is leaning forward now, and I see how her face lights up talking about this.
“It seems to me you are talking about how you trained yourself not to let an opportunity to do a kindness, or make a small sacrifice slip by. Is that what you mean?
“I found that life would bring me plenty of opportunities. So if one of you should find yourself naturally irritated with someone this Christmas, decide for peace and serve that person nicely. It will set you free.
“If your Christmas isn’t going the way you planned, give up your expectations as a sacrifice to Jesus, and you will feel your burden lightened.
“If someone wants to argue, let her win; just this one time.
“You will be surprised how you can walk away happy, or even find that you regard that irritating person with genuine affection. Find opportunities this Christmas, to be kind, to serve, to take the lowest place. I will be there winking at you!”
I laugh, imagining this. “That’s perfect!” I say. “I will be looking for you.”
I lift my tea cup for a toast and we clink our cups together, smiling.
She tells me a story about life in the convent when now and then one of the novices would lose her temper with St. Therese and tell her angrily exactly what she thought of her. “I decided to savor these incidents like good vinegar on a fresh salad.” She chuckles. “You could use that at Christmas, to counteract all those holiday sweets! I will be there to give you a high five to celebrate your glorious victory over yourself, and Jesus will grant you immense strength, you will see.”
“This is hard stuff, though,” I say.
She knows it is hard.
“I had such a longing to be one of God’s great heroes. I had such overwhelming desires to do great things. I came to understand that doing these small things with great love offers plenty of challenge. Yes, these are almost the hardest things of all, these little things to do! But before you know it, you will find such joy. You will realize the presence of the Little Beggar of Love in your soul. And you will be glad you gave him what he wanted for Christmas most of all. The milk of your love at every opportunity you had.
“Ask the good God to show you an opening to do a small bit of good around you, to lighten someone’s burden quietly.”
I am smiling now because I know she is right. This is a way to be good soil for the seeds of the Gospel Jesus came to bring. If we give ourselves over to little Jesus in this way, he will find our souls full of flowers for him to be cradled in, and he will make his sweet presence there known.
We will find ourselves not only doing small things with great love, but with great joy.
And if you burn the cookies, or you say something you shouldn’t have, be patient with yourself, she says.
“Little children fall often but don’t have far to fall, so they don’t hurt themselves very much.” So strive to be little, even to yourself.
Practice this “Little Way,” for his Christmas presents, fill your heart with these flowers, and the little Jesus will come to you with his grace to be cherished within you.
That is the Christmas spirit, I believe, according St. Therese of the child Jesus.
“Love him,” she says, draining her teacup.
“Love him in everything. It’s that simple.”
“In this brilliant night which illuminates the joy of the Holy Trinity, Jesus, the gentle little child of the hour, will change the darkness of my soul into torrents of light.” — St. Therese of Lisieux
Bethany Hang Out 