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Is empathy a sin? A Gospel perspective

As the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus is, at this writing, tomorrow, (Friday June 27th in 2025), and June is traditionally the month of the Sacred Heart, I’ve been pondering the heart’s virtues, such as love, compassion, mercy, solidarity, and empathy especially. This seems an urgent topic to write about right now as so many seem to glory in cruelty, others going so far as to call empathy a supposed “sin”.

I’ve had somebody say to me in response to a plea for compassion for migrants, that we “aren’t supposed to be the Church of ‘nice.” “No, I said, “we are supposed to be the Church of radical love.”

The argument that there is a “sin” of empathy, I likely don’t have to tell most of you, is antithetical to the Gospel. At best this argument is coming from people who are trying to protect their hearts from the pain of empathy or their conscience telling them to do something about it. Maybe it’s to justify the hardness of their hearts. God knows what it is. In any case this is the work of the devil. It’s ugly and contrary to love. Love, remember, is what God is and what we are supposed to be doing. Maybe they’ve re-interpreted what that was supposed to mean to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. It’s hard to understand how that is possible. However here we are hearing anti-empathy declarations.

This belief that empathy is to be quashed and not nurtured or respected is mostly found in certain corners of ultra-reactionary or hyper-rationalist “theology.” The argument usually goes something like:

“Empathy clouds judgment. It leads us to condone sin in others. It makes us sentimental and irrational.”

One time I came home from work and my teen and pre-teen were playing seriously inappropriate music loudly in the house. I turned it off and made them stand in front of a picture of Our Lady and recite the lyrics to her. They couldn’t. I wonder if people who discourage or disdain empathy can look into the face of Jesus and tell him that nonsense they say to other people. Lacking empathy, campaigning against it is the more likely sin.

The “sin of empathy” crowd say they feel manipulated by calls for empathy. They put labels on goodness like “virtue signaling.” rather than being inspired to act with mercy. Maybe they think the man beset by robbers deserved what he got, that the Good Samaritan was weak, stupid, being taken advantage of. Perhaps they would say that the priest and the levite who passed by without helping were the real heroes of the story. Maybe these are people who have been put-upon too much in life, or feel used when they do something for someone, or they have trouble with boundaries and they threw the “baby out with the bath water,” as my mom would say. I don’t know but they’re wrong and they try to deceive others as well.

How could empathy erase moral clarity? It can only deepen it and fill it out. As Pope Francis said in Dilexit Nos, his encyclical on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the human heart brings together fragments of ourselves into cohesion. The heart brings together soul, spirit, mind and body, enabling true discernment and understanding. We can’t attempt to cut off parts of ourselves and call that “clarity” or “judgement.” To do that only mutilates us as people, distorting our judgement and endangering our salvation.

Being “cruel to be kind” is an oxymoron when it comes to the suffering of another. It is merely mean, dumb, and contrary to the Gospel.

Empathy is the ability to enter into another’s experience — to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15), to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), to love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31). Jesus constantly showed empathy:

  • He wept over Lazarus (John 11:35) and over Jerusalem (Luke 19:41)
  • He touched lepers, (Matthew 8:22-26) embraced children, (Mark 10:13-16) noticed the suffering no one else saw and did something about it every time.
  • His Incarnation was an act of ultimate divine empathy — “He took on our infirmities and bore our diseases” (Isaiah 53:4, Matthew 8:17)
  • Toward the lowly he never used “tough love.” He reserved that for the powerful alone. He was angry with them for their oppression of others, for their hypocrisy, their legalism that got in the way of mercy, and for their lack of compassion. (See Matthew 23 for some serious rage from Jesus toward religious leaders for these very things).
  • He healed a woman with a crooked back and was angry when the Pharisees and Scribes confronted him with doing this on the Sabbath. He hated the way they put strict observance of rules over care and compassion for people. (Luke 13: 10-17)

To reject empathy is to reject Christ’s own way of loving. Our Lord never condemned anybody for being too soft hearted; quite the opposite. People were condemned by him for being legalistic without mercy (the Pharisees), for being indifferent to suffering (the priest and Levite in the Good Samaritan story Luke 10:25-37), for being harsh and arrogant instead of humble and compassionate (Luke 18:9–14).

Clearly the “sin of empathy” assertion is a serious distortion of the Gospel – anathema to it. People asking “yeah well who IS my neighbor” and trying to redefine that as people they agree with, like or approve of, are on the wrong path. Don’t listen. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Do not be carried away by strange teaching (Hebrews 13:8 and Ephesians 4:14). If anyone preaches to you a different Jesus than we (the apostles) have, said St. Paul, let them be accursed (Galatians 1:8-9, 2 Corinthians 11:4).

You cannot love God and hate your brother or sister. That would make you a liar. (1 John 4:20)

The intentions of Pope Leo XIV for the month of June are “that the world will grow in compassion.” He says, “Now is the time for love.”

It seems to me there is a battle of good and evil happening, a fight for the soul of the world. I don’t think I usually talk like this. But this anti empathy stuff is the devil. Resist him, solid in your faith. (1 Peter 5:8)

Jesus teaches us that it’s not enough just to resist evil. We have to pray for, bless and love those in the grip of it. We have to shine our light of love and compassion for all to see. And we need to grow in the virtues of the heart ourselves.

Jesus, gentle and humble of Heart, make our hearts like unto thine.

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Creating a Unique Wedding Vigil: A Personal Journey


My late husband, Bob, during our engagement, had been deeply moved by his first Holy Thursday mass. Watching the priest wash parishioner’s feet impressed him profoundly.

One time we were talking about Vigils the night before Catholic funerals. He wondered if the same thing happened before a wedding – a service with readings, prayers and a rosary. I said no but I wish that there was a tradition like that.

Bob thought we should have one. Well why not? We found out this was something that had to be a private thing we did at home rather than in the Church. We started planning our at home wedding vigil.

We looked at books like The Blessing Cup and a Catholic wedding prep book called Marriage, Sacrament of Hope and Challenge, for ideas since both contained little rituals that could be done at home, and then we wrote our own.

We invited friends over for the night before our wedding (we had our bachelor and bachelorette parties earlier in the week).

Bob definitely wanted us to wash each other’s feet, and he wanted a way to include my kids from my first marriage (their dad had died in a car crash when they were little). He felt he wasn’t just marrying me but becoming family to them too. So he bought them both necklaces as tokens of his commitment to them too.

Bob was not Catholic (yet). Most of his friends weren’t either. So while we Catholics prayed the rosary, the non- Catholics could go to the back yard where Bob would have a fire going and could play guitar and sing and people could talk or join him. We rosary pray-ers would join them when we finished.

Our ceremony included an opening prayer, a Scripture reading, intercessions, and an exchange of words of commitment before we washed each other’s feet. We included Bob’s gifting the necklaces to the girls, the sharing of a “Blessing Cup” we passed around, an Our Father and a closing prayer and plus lots of hugs.

I mostly remember that just as he finished washing my right foot, he gave my toes a squeeze with those big warm calloused hands of his.

I think a wedding vigil is such a beautiful idea, a wonderful thing to do. A couple needs as many prayers and as much support as they can get!

Bob was already fighting brain cancer by the time we did this. Our marriage was far from long enough but it was a beautiful one. I am extra glad we started it this way.

Our favorite wedding picture. 🙂

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Honoring Pope Francis’ Love for Mary

I’ve found myself having trouble writing about Pope Francis since his death but I feel I should. It has been hard because I grieve him as so many do, in a deep, personal way, as well as with the Church and the world. 

However, I thought with May coming up in a few days, the month the Church has dedicated to Mary, I could honor Pope Francis’ profound love of Our Lady.

Pope Francis turned to Mary the way a child turns to his mother. One of his first acts as Pope was to visit the ancient icon of Salus Populi Romani in Rome, in the Church of St. Mary Major, the oldest church dedicated to Mary. And he returned to that image again and again—before every apostolic journey, and after, to thank her. He entrusted the whole Church to her care and often encouraged us to do the same. In the Byzantine icon, Mary holds the Child Jesus, who holds the book of the Gospel. To me, since his view of Our Lady was centered in the Gospel, much as everything else about him was, that icon seems especially appropriate for him. 

He has requested to be buried in St. Mary Major, near that icon where he prayed so often. He said to the coadjutor of that church, Rolandas Mackrikas,  Mary appeared to him there asking him to arrange to be laid to rest in that place where Francis had so often come to visit her. He said “I’m so glad she has not forgotten me!”

Francis’  daily prayers included the Rosary, and his heart was especially close to the Marian devotions of Latin America—like Our Lady of Luján, the patroness of Argentina. Mary was not a “plaster saint” to him. (He cautioned against seeing her that way). She was a presence in his life. She was a real person to him. 

The Holy Father spoke often of Mary as the “Mother of the People,” especially the poor and suffering. This view of Mary is prominent in Latin American spirituality. Mary walks with the people, accompanies them in their suffering and joy. This is what Franics himself was like. He wanted to be near people, to accompany them, love them, stand up for them, listen to them. Maybe he took after his Blessed Mother. 

Pope Francis reminded us that in her Magnificat, Mary praises the God who casts down the powerful and lifts up the lowly, who feeds the hungry and sends the rich away empty. (Luke 1:46-55).  Mary stood for, rejoiced in,  justice for the poor and the oppressed, and we should too. 

In Our Lady, he said, the Church sees what it means to be humble and brave at once.

Mary was little, and saw herself as lowly,  but she was bold in faith and love. 

My favorite Francis quote on Mary is about her brave humility at the Annunciation; in her response to the message of the Angel Gabriel. 

“She recognizes that she is small before God, and she is happy to be so.” (Angelus December 24, 2017)  He saw her humility as joyful,  open to God, and brave. 

And she was brave. Look at her life, so often turned upside down. But she always put Jesus and his mission, and put the Church, first, every time, even when she didn’t understand what was happening. She trusted, doing the will of God as soon as she knew it, no matter what it was, because she was great of heart. 

Pope Francis is the Pope who gave us the feast of Mary, Mother of the Church, celebrated on the Monday after Pentecost. She is the Mother of Jesus, involved in our salvation and in the life of the Church, united with us in prayer as she was on the day of Pentecost. (Acts 1:14)

He also called Mary the first disciple —the one who listened deeply, believed without having all the answers, and followed her Son to the cross. 

 Francis loved that she was a woman of deep prayer as well as action. 

Immediately after the Annunciation, “Mary arose and went with haste” to visit Elizabeth and assist her in her need. After the most intense and important mystical experience anybody on earth had ever had or ever would have, Mary immediately dives into service and love, helping her relative Elizabeth who is pregnant at an advanced age. (Luke 1:39-56) In the same way, Francis, and we, draw strength from prayer and contemplation. Then we immediately become servants of love. That is what Mary did, and it is what Francis did too. He thought of her as an evangelist, carrying Jesus to others wherever she went. To me this describes Pope Francis well. 

In times of crisis, Francis always turned to Our Lady. During the pandemic, he asked the world to pray with him under her protection. In war, hunger, and fear, he encouraged us to say simply: “Mother, help us.”

In a time of grief, it feels right to turn to Mary—because that’s what Pope Francis would have done. He trusted her with his life and his Church. In this month of May, maybe we can do the same. We can pray the Rosary, light a candle, sing the Salve Regina, or simply say, “Stay with us, Mother.”

If we want to carry his spirit forward, we might start by walking with her.

In one of his homilies, Pope Francis said, “A Christian without Mary is an orphan.” But none of us are orphans, even though a wonderful father and beautiful light in the world has gone from us. Mary holds us even now, and she holds her son’s faithful shepherd, Francis close. May she carry him to the arms of Jesus, and may she walk with us until we meet again. 

“Mother, help our faith! 

Open our ears to hear God’s word and to recognize his voice and call. 

Awaken in us a desire to follow in his footsteps, to go forth from our own land and to receive his promise. 

Help us to be touched by his love, that we may touch him in faith. 

Help us to entrust ourselves fully to him and to believe in his love, especially at times of trial, beneath the shadow of the cross, when our faith is called to mature. 

Sow in our faith the joy of the Risen One. 

Remind us that those who believe are never alone. 

Teach us to see all things with the eyes of Jesus, that he may be light for our path. And may this light of faith always increase in us, until the dawn of that undying day which is Christ himself, your Son, our Lord!” – Pope Franics 

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Immigration, our Catholic faith, the present moment

Most  of the people about to be deported and rounded up into camps are our fellow Catholics; people who are praying their rosaries scared to death. Our people. When the U.S. invaded Mexico  Irish mercenaries were brought in to fight with the U.S.. But when they saw the flag of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the other side they refused to fight their fellow Catholics. They’re known as the San Patricios or The Saint Patrick Brigade, of 1846. I’ve been reflecting on their celebrated legacy in the wake of the protection of our churches as sanctuaries has been taken away. 

We all need to think about how we will respond to possible raids during holy mass. What will you do? 

Our Holy Father has said the way we treat migrants and refugees is as important as the way we treat the unborn. The Scripture says we must treat the alien as our native born and not persecute or oppress them. (Lv. 19: 33-34)  The Catechism teaches us that they are to be treated in such a way as respects their human  dignity, and with compassion. 

The Church understands we can’t accept everyone who comes to us asking for asylum but that we should always treat them with empathy and understanding regardless. Catholics believe in the unconditional dignity of the human person made in the image and likeness of God. Jesus says whatever we do to the lowly we  do to him.  (Matt. 25:40) 

The following are quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church on the topics of migration and immigration.

¶1911: Internal quote is from Gaudium et Spes: “The unity of the human family, embracing people who enjoy equal natural dignity, implies a universal common good. This good calls for an organization of the community of nations able to provide ‘for men’s different needs, both in the fields of social life—such as food supplies, health, education, labor and also in certain special circumstances which can crop up here and there, e.g., the need to promote the general improvement of developing countries, or to alleviate the distressing conditions in which refugees dispersed throughout the world find themselves, or also to assist migrants and their families. to alleviate the distressing conditions in which refugees dispersed throughout the world find themselves, or also to assist migrants and their families.’”

¶2211: “The political community has a duty to honor the family, to assist it, and to ensure especially… the right to private property, to free enterprise, to obtain work and housing, and the right to emigrate.”

¶2241: “The more prosperous nations are obliged, to the extent they are able, to welcome the foreigner in search of the security and means of livelihood which he cannot find in his country of origin. Public authorities should see to it that the natural right is respected that places a guest under the protection of those who receive him.”

¶2433: “Access to employment and to professions must be hope to all without unjust discrimination; men and women, healthy and disabled, natives and immigrants. For its part society should, according to circumstances, help citizens find work and employment.”

We may be having a moment here; a moment when God is asking us to stand up even though it’s scary. Everyone worries about the reputation of the Church. We have made our mistakes, often because of that worry.  But we know what is right. I hope we won’t blow this and let this moment pass us by. We haven’t always stood up when we should have. We always worry about the balance  between appeasing authority to effect change or avoid interference in our affairs, and being faithful to our mission and our call to radical love and to “speak truth to power” as some say. I hope our leaders won’t just straddle the fence. In some of what’s going on we will have to pick a side. Let it be the side of the lowly, the persecuted and the oppressed, the stranger, the immigrant, the refugee. 

A friend asked, “I wonder how many of them are named Jesus’. “ 

“All of them,” I said. 

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Holy Innocents

Today is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, the toddlers and babies killed by Roman soldiers at Herod’s orders after Joseph fled to Egypt with Jesus and Mary.

I have never liked the traditional way of describing these kids as martyrs. A martyr chooses death rather than betraying Christ. Little children suffer and die before the age of consent and from the terrible things adults do.

I also am not sure abortion is exactly the best modern comparison to what happened that day. As far as we know the tiny innocents in their mother’s womb do not have consciousness yet. I imagine them, at least early on, as in a dreamlike bliss, violently but quickly disturbed and ended by abortion. Abortion is violent and tragic in several ways. However, as Pat Benatar sang, “Hell is for children.”

This is a good day to pray for children around the world who suffer the violence and callousness of adults, especially from state sponsored terror and genocide where there is no safety, no relief, where parents cannot protect them, such as in Gaza where parents write their children’s names on their limbs in case they are killed so they can be identified, where children are orphaned, maimed, under the rubble, starving, sometimes being operated on without anesthesia if they are lucky enough to find care at all. Surely their blood cries out to the Lord. We all know the outrageous numbers. Hell is for children.

Ukrainian children suffer war as well, and I am struck by the fact that Russia is taking the children away from their parents and into Russia. It reminds me of our child separation policy during the last Trump administration; something a lot of us lost sleep over, protested but felt powerless to stop. The damage to those little ones is profound and many of them were sexually abused as well, or never reunited with their families. It’s a method of torture I believe, to do this to kids and their parents. Some of those children were nursing babies.

In many countries life is so dangerous or poverty is so great that parents are forced to flee with their children to find safety or go where life is possible only to be rebuffed and unwanted, subjected to detention or camps or sent back to the dangers they fled after an often long and dangerous journey.

In Sudán, famine threatens and children die of malnutrition as parents look on helplessly. This is happening in so many countries.

I haven’t heard what life is like for the children of Haiti as their country descends further into chaos, violence, and gang rule.

We know children are forced to fight and kill in parts of the world. Children are trafficked and live lives of nightmarish abuse.

Children are abused in their churches, schools, and families and too often the abusers are protected instead of the children.

And here in America, the leading cause of death for our children is gun violence. .

These are things adults have done or conditions the world of adults have created that massacre the souls minds and bodies of children who deserve safety and love, freedom to be kids. These are the holy innocents of our time.

This is overwhelming. What are we supposed to do? Jesus was stern about any harm done to little ones.

We need to be a part of lessening their suffering, advocating for them, of challenging the structural sin of our world, and the wrong headedness of the powers that be. Nothing will change if we don’t.

Hell is for children, but we are allied with Heaven and we hold the gift of prayer given to us by God. As we stand up for children and help as we can, God makes our prayers and actions big and far reaching. We can be everywhere he is, holding frightened children, drying tears, giving strength, transforming the world.

Holy Spirit, we pray for the Holy Innocents of our time and we dedicate this day to them. You are the comforter and the giver of life, the one who strengthens, uplifts, transforms, the Spirit of Love and Truth, Father of the Poor. Make your way through this world bringing light and nourishment and peace. Make us repent of the sins of the world and show us what we must do. Guide our prayer for every child everywhere in need of rescue and relief of sorrow and fear. May our leaders prioritize the needs and rights of children to safety and freedom and family life.

Bless every little heart on earth on this day of the Innocents.



Read more: Holy Innocents
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Nativity


None of the women of her family or village were there to help her. Men were not used to being part of the birthing process. But Joseph, surrounded by the kindly witness of the animals who seemed to understand, did his utmost for Mary that night in the dark, in the hay of a stable. Maybe she told him what she needed since she would have seen many births by then, going with her mother to help the other women. Joseph held her close and they prayed, wiping tears from each other’s faces, telling each other “You’re so brave!”

Mary laid the Baby in a feeding trough after his first nursing and after wrapping him in swaddling cloth she had brought with her, while Joseph cleaned up and brought her water. Then they would have placed the baby between them and slept, waking to feed him, to gently laugh and touch his soft little head wondering what was going to happen now as beyond the stable the rising star of Bethlehem shone out to the three wise men on their travels, and the angels sang to the shepherds in the fields filling the sky and their hearts with awe and joy.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, coming from the Father, full of grace and truth.JOHN 1:14

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So close

Don’t worry little Mother Mary, we’ll take care of you.

Come into our hearts and let us help and shelter you and your Baby to come. ♥️

The moon is with you, the stars, and planets,

the wind in the trees prays for you

and every blade of grass knows

as the animals bow their innocent heads. Your time is so close.
Come in.

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Mary’s Divine Peace: A Reflection on Faith


It must have seemed to Mary that the sky smiled at her, that she was infused with tenderness and peace. When she looked around her at the world maybe she felt God telling her, “All this is yours, and you are mine.”
At night when her family was asleep maybe she let herself into the quiet space of her heart to ponder the prophecies of her people, marveling at how vivid and alive these words were to her now. There was so much she didn’t understand but her trust left a gentle smile on her mouth as she drifted into sleep.

“The days are coming, says the LORD,
when I will fulfill the promise
I made to the house of Israel and Judah.
In those days, in that time,
I will raise up for David a just shoot ;
he shall do what is right and just in the land.
In those days Judah shall be safe
and Jerusalem shall dwell secure;
this is what they shall call her:
“The LORD our justice.” Jeremiah 33:14-16 💜

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A reign like no other


Our king is not a king of this world who has to seek or cling to power.  He would never scrabble for control of others. He did not seek wealth. He did  not fight for victory over anyone, or use force on anyone who disagreed with him. Everyone was and is free to walk away or to take on his gentle yoke. 

When asked to show force or use vengeance he refused. When asked to punish someone, the ones who asked ended up walking away in silence, contemplating their own sins. 

He was clear about who he was but he never had to brag about anything. Why would he? He was quietly in charge of every star, every atom, every quark, every beetle, every galaxy.  His spirit upheld all things. “I am that I am” God told Moses when he asked him his name.  He just Is.

And he  knew who he was. 

When Pilate asked Jesus  if he was a king Our Lord’s answer showed us we didn’t understand the kind of king he really was. 

Our worldly minds, even as his followers, still find it hard to understand someone who has absolute power but instead chooses dusty feet and sacrificial love. 

Can you imagine a mosquito landing on you and biting you? And instead of smacking the mosquito you die for it to save it? We are less than mosquitos given the scale of creation and the absolute power of God. But we are everything to him because he loves us, each one like the only one. 

What kind of king is Christ? The kind of king who is infinite but makes himself small for us so we can be friends. The kind of king who washes our feet, shares his rule with us for the small exchange of our love. Indeed we are crowned with the stars in his eyes when he looks at us. He makes us like himself, he lifts us up, he washes our feet, feeds us, dresses us in his own bright finery. 

What does this kind kind of Christly kingship mean for us? He summed up his expectations of us by saying “love one another as I have loved you.” He would have us love humbly, sacrificially and completely. He said  that if we had authority in this world we should never lord it over those in our charge.  He never did. He didn’t have to. It means that we should be grounded in the dignity he gives each of us, in his gift of free will, his unfathomable and tender humility. We reflect his heart, keeping him always at the center seeing with his eyes. 

I heard in a homily once from Bishop Bill Wack that 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 could be taken to describe the Lord. We know God is love.  So we just read the passage replacing the word love with his name. 

“Jesus  is patient, Jesus is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He does not dishonor others, he  is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres 

Jesus never fails.”

To see how you are doing following this King of ours, go back now and this time put your name in in place of “Love.” 

I think we all have a way to go. It’s a good thing we have him to help us. 

How can we serve a King like this one? A king who washes feet? Who gives freely? Who rules by love and asks for nothing else? 

By washing feet, by giving freely, being ruled by love alone. 



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