Nothing stays the same. Change is the constant in this world. Even so I never get used to it. Does anybody? Some changes happen to us or around us, and others we seek out. Other times we are in a fork in the road of our lives and we have a decision to make that will take us in one direction or another. In our college town, the young people around us that share faith with us will often say, “I wonder what God’s will is for me.” (I’m usually thinking that for me it’s probably the dishes).
We all have decisions to make throughout life. If we are people of faith, we certainly want to align our decision making with the purposes of God.
Prayerful decision making can help us understand where God may be leading us. Catholics call this process of holy decision making, “discernment.”
There is a lot of wisdom in the Church about discernment and decision making. Many are familiar with the Ignatian method of discernment but I relate best to the Carmelite way. It’s similar to the Ignatian but less work, I think.
Here is a step by step process.
First lay out realistically the choices before you. It usually helps to write them down.
Next, write down a list of advantages and disadvantages, to each of the directions you could take. This will help you organize your thoughts. Look at it again. What seems to be resonating with you the most out of your choices and the pros and cons you have written down? What’s going on inside you about all this? Just observe your inner state in a curious kind of way for a while.
Now bring yourself gently into God’s presence to pray.
St. Teresa taught us that as we come to prayer, it’s important to first set things right between ourselves and the Lord. So make an examination of conscience now. Then may wish to pray an Act of Contrition, either the traditional one or in your own words. This frees us to discern better. For me I always feel I can “hear” God better after Confession. It’s always good to tend to that as well, especially when there is something going on in your life or something you are about to do. But for now, an Examin and Act of Contrition will do.
Since Jesus is the “Friend who we know loves us,” enter now into “friendly conversation” with him about the choices before you. Tell him all about each one, and with him consider. Tell him how you feel. Share about what you want. Be receptive to what you might sense he is saying to you.
Ask him to give you a sense of peace about the right decision. You might pray, “Incline my heart according to your will, Oh God. Show me the path marked out for me.”
With the Holy Spirit as your light, explore any hidden inner motives, fears or attachments you may have in this situation. Ask the Lord to remove or bring to your attention anything that may impair your receptivity or distract you from his voice.
Now assess your inner peace. Look for a deep, solid peace and joy rather than any turmoil, or anxiety. Carmelite tradition holds that you can recognize God’s will in that peace.
St. Teresa said, “Seek counsel from every wise man,” (Or woman, as the case may be). Consult a trusted mentor or spiritual director, older family member or wise friend about what you feel you are receiving in prayer about what you are considering. Listen to what they say and make that
part of your deliberations.
Now consult the people directly affected by the decision you’ll make. Normally this would be your household; spouse and children, or other family.
Something I say to God after coming to the end of the decision making process even if I am still not exactly sure what he is saying to me, is “OK I think this is the way I should go. Stop me if I’m wrong. If it’s right, open the doors before me. Here goes!”
