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Exaltation of the Cross

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Triumph of the Cross is today. It sounds like ā€œha ha what a winā€ but I never think of it that way. I think of intense love, non-violence, humility, sacrifice in the face of indifference, cruel efficiency, fear and profound misunderstanding. The death of the Lord confused Satan a lot because it was something he would never do. He waited for Jesus to come down from the cross and be a lion, challenge him to a fight or a match of wills, anything. I think he even wondered what was wrong with these people around Jesus who either ran away or merely stood by. He had no understanding of love. He is a powerful super intelligent being but humility, love and sacrifice, forgiveness he can’t understand at all. In that moment I don’t think he understood anything. Neither did most people. It’s still a bit of a problem for us, especially the take up YOUR cross part. It’s a big big ask. Only the One who really did that can help us to do such a thing and find the flowers in it. So we have to ask him all the time for that.

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Decisions. I hate those things.

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I have been rather dysfunctional lately. I go to work (I still have one of my jobs) and I come home, do the minimum such as take care of my chickens cats and dogs. Then I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. My heart hurts. I feel like I am dying. It’s grief of course, for Zane, who died suddenly and unexpectedly August 22 of this year.

At the same time I have lost my job. I took care of Zane for about four years. I also take care of Mac, another special needs young man.

So I have lost my main job, my job with Zane, which is a crisis in itself. It’s hard to make decisions when you’re grieving and it’s not the best time to do it. However, I don’t have time to do this any other way.

I really love working with special needs young people. I seem to have a knack especially with those who are nonverbal. It is a calling I believe, to do this work. It’s a work that is love. It means a lot to me.

I interviewed with a new family. It went very well and they would love me to come work for them. I liked them too. I said I would let them know in a day or two. Then I cried in the car and had to go over and hug Zane’s mom. We sat on the couch and talked for a while about Zane, about things. Her loss is so great I had to stop typing for a few seconds just now thinking of it. I feel guilty talking about my own grief but I can’t help it.

When my mom got restless or had a problem she needed to think about, she re-arranged the furniture and cleaned madly. Sometimes she pulled up carpet or made new curtains and painted the living room to match. I’m not good at sewing. I don’t have money for paint. So I stuck with re-arranging the furniture and cleaning madly.

I talked to my friend Shawna who somehow manages to give me clarity when I need it. I continued to clean madly. My dogs were a little concerned.

I thought about how I am worried about the pay for a prospective new job which is far less than I made at my last. I wondered how I would pay the mortgage now. I finally got a house and I am not giving it up. I was thinking about what to do about that.

However the main issue is grief. It’s hard for me to think of replacing Zane and trying to love someone new already. I reflect that I have never failed to love anyone I have taken care of. In the nursing home where I did my clinicals there is no way to really get to know the people you care for. You take care of their immediate physical needs and even if they’re crying or something you have ten other patients you have to get to who need to be changed or whatever. Even then I always cared for each one in a loving way as best I could. That’s just how I do it. I can do this.

I have a daughter in college. I will do whatever I can to make sure she gets as far with her education as she wants to. She is busy applying for master’s programs lately. No matter what she is going. My other daughter has been going through hell this summer. It’s pretty unimaginable the way she is holding it together. However she needs me. Sometimes she needs my help. I’m going to be here ready.

If there is anything in my life I have learned to do it’s grieve and fight for my family at the same time.

I can work out the pay part somehow but I prayed about my next person to take care of. I think this could be the one I asked for or was led to. . I think I will try it and do my best.

The dogs needn’t worry. I think I am through cleaning for now.

OK, Beloved Lord. Lead on.

How to love in troubled times; St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

Summer Evening Magnificat

Evenings are my favorite time of day. Especially after the bustle of family end of day reunions, when the cooking and dinner and cleaning up is done I feel both alert and recollected.

The evenings I love most are summer evenings. There is relief from the heat of the day (sort of,) the cicadas and crickets are chanting their vespers, the neighborhood birds gather along the power line to pray and to gab about the day. I love the colors of the light at this time; rose and gold and the blue tint as dusk approaches.

Time to bring the chickens in.

They’re ready for me at the gate, waddling in a line of fluffy butts to their coop for the night.

And I love this traditional time to recite the Magnificat. I like best saying it by a window looking out so I can bless the world with Mary and her vision of the Kingdom of her Son.

Get you some iced tea now. Go to a window and pray it with us. Bless the world out there.

And Mary said,

ā€œMy soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked with favor on his lowly handmaiden.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him 
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever.ā€ (Luke 1:46-55)
Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.

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Corpus Christi and a cautionary note about blasphemy

Today is Body and Blood of Jesus Sunday, otherwise known as the feast of Corpus Christi ā™„ļø So happy feast.

This is a good time to reflect on the humility of God who became incarnate and remains with us as simple Bread and Wine for us to eat and drink, sharing in our humanity that we might share in his Divinity. There is one Lord who suffered and died for us and we take part in his redemption of all when we suffer with that intention; of uniting our suffering to his in union with his mission of salvation, mercy and love. Under those conditions we can say someone is suffering with Christ or in a way that Jesus did. We can also say he suffers in the poor, the oppressed and those in the margins of society as he said he did in the Gospel of Matthew. That’s it. Anything else is blasphemous. We should keep our eyes on the sinless Son of God who deserves all of our love. One God one faith one baptism. He is God and there is no other.

I’m writing about this because it’s disturbing to see pictures of Trump ā€œcrucifiedā€ with Jesus or Jesus ā€œembracingā€ Trump and whispering that he too was wrongly convicted. To me this is an insult to the martyrs who deserve that consolation. We Christians understand that their unjust deaths were for their faith, for their love of God and were their sacrifice for the Gospel.

Trumps’s conviction is not a situation like that whether one believes he is guilty or not. That’s almost beside the point.

Yes God loves the powerful the rich and political figures too and cares about them just as he does the rest of us. However I think there is an innate danger both spiritual and secular in comparing a political figure to Jesus. Let us rather pray for our leaders that they will be what God wants them to be and created them to be. What more could we ask for anyone? Let’s stick with that. We can never go wrong in praying for God’s will. He will give what is right – and only he truly knows what that is.

Yes I did say 70×7 but stop freaking out about it

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Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ā€œLord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?ā€
 Jesus answered, ā€œI tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seventy times.

Mtt. 18 21-22

It’s been almost nine years but I’m still not sure whether I have forgiven it or not. I still struggle with how I am supposed to forgive someone who turned out not to be who I thought they were. Forgive who? What was that who was that?

In the aftermath I realized I was thinking of the whole mess about once every 15 seconds. I began training myself to repeat the names of Jesus and Mary any time I caught myself dwelling on the whole thing. I had dwelt on it long enough truly. I increased my prayer time. I decided to try to stop talking about it. It helped a lot. Slowly I didn’t think about it, not even every week.

I went to Confession. In exasperation I asked the priest, “How do I get to Father forgive them for they know not what they do?” He said my penance would be to go out and meditate on the crucifix in the church and ask the Lord, “Father forgive me for I knew not what I did.” Instant peace came to me then.

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As time passed I realized that I “forgave” this person over and over again while they were still in my daily life but not in any real way because what I did was be upset about what they had done, avoid them for a while and then simply go on as before so that they did the same things again and again. My kids suffered emotional scars because of this lack of boundaries on my part. I let this person be with us for so long. At the time I didn’t realize how much the girls were harmed especially when they were still young. How did I fall into this trap? How could I not know how mean this person was being to them? Even the things I did know about them should have been bad enough. I should have not allowed this person around my daughters. I certainly did do things I didn’t know I was doing. Those mistakes seem crazy now.

Then at a time of another tragedy in my life, this person set out to ruin my reputation, blame me, interfere with my friendships and even my family relationships, to tell distorted versions of my private sufferings, commandeer one of my daughters with lies and emotional scenes when she needed me most and was too young ti break out of that situation. This person deeply hurt my other daughter as well during a time of grief and shock for my family with hateful accusations and not allowing her to retrieve what was hers and precious to her from the house. This person also participated in grave financial harm to me and one of my kids that we will never recover from. I was emotionally and socially betrayed on a level that was traumatic enough to keep me curled up on the couch for days. I never thought they would go that far especially at a time like that. Why was I shocked? I can’t answer that fully.

One thing I have learned from all this is that being a forgiving Christian does not mean having destructive people in my life. Even Jesus had boundaries.

But Jesus did not entrust himself to them because he knew their hearts.

Jn. 2:24

However I sometimes still feel angry at this person, even after I have peeled away several layers of resentment and reached certain levels of forgiveness. I didn’t feel that it was complete. Because of those feelings of rage coming up now and then, especially recently, I tend to think of this person every time I pray the Our Father. How can I forgive this person as God forgives me? God forgives me more than completely. God is mercy, God is love. I always ask that I will be able to do this. I have learned forgiveness is a grace. We just have to be willing to receive it. Was I willing? I didn’t know. My mom used to say that sometimes we have to ask to be willing. Other times we have to be ask to be willing to be willing. Sometimes the situation is so difficult we have to pray to be willing to be willing to be willing. I think this is like that.

Recently, sitting quietly in prayer, I felt that the Lord untangled my thinking a bit about what forgiveness looks like in a situation like this. In a flash I understood that all Jesus wanted from me now was to pray for this person’s salvation. I felt my heart open as it seemed the Holy Spirit prayed in me for just that: for this destructive person’s salvation. It was an understated but all the same beautiful moment. I understood that God did not need my tortuous worry about my lingering feelings about this, or the useless dead end paths of my self judgement or scrupulosity on this point. Just prayer for their salvation that is all. The rest was between that person and God. Oh.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ā€œMy grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Cor. :8-9a

Then I prayed the our Father in freedom and when I said, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” I almost felt a kiss from Jesus, and I had to smile. I love that guy.

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The Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary

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Ā Come into Mary’s rose garden which is the rosary, and pick red roses of devotion to bring with you on this journey with her through the Sorrowful Mysteries.

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The first Sorrowful Mystery: The Agony in the Garden

rose hip: Union of will with God

ā€œMy Father, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.ā€ Mtt. 26:39

Mary takes your hand. She brings you to Jesus, lying prostrate as he prays. Suddenly as if  you fell in, you are in the depths of Christ’s Heart, experiencing his anguish, physically feeling his bloody sweat, his stinging tears smearing on your cheek as you sink into the abyss of his agonized heart.

 Let yourself feel your love for him. What do you want to say to him? 

Maybe, ā€œJesus I love you. I will not deny you anything. ā€œ

He hands you the cup he has now drunk, compassion  in his eyes. 

You understand. 

It tastes like fire but is sweet.

Chaos breaks out. He is arrested and taken away. 

In the silent  Garden of Gethsemane you and Mary lay a red rose. Beside it place the empty cup.  

The Second Sorrowful Mystery: The Scourging at the Pillar

Rose hip: endurance with love

ā€œMy soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?ā€ Psalm 6:3

You’ve never seen or imagined cruelty like this. As hooked whips tear into Jesus’ back you want to throw up and Jesus does as his body goes into shock.  You look at Mary as the violence goes on and on. How can she stand it? Her eyes are filled with tears, yet her face is resolute. His blood pools between the tiles of the courtyard. You want to stop this, comfort him, comfort her. Her arm slips around your shoulders without her taking her gaze from her Son. 

Finally Jesus is carried away and the laughter of the guards fades. Holding hands, you and Mary silently venture forward. Together lay a red rose beside the pillar. Kneel here. Pray with Mary. 

Third Sorrowful Mystery: The Crowning with Thorns

rose hip: reverence

ā€œMy spirit blesses the Lord, the Great King.ā€ Tobit 13:15

They’ve been beating Jesus for what seems like Hours. Then one of the soldiers gets an idea. He weaves a crown of long thorns which is forced onto Jesus’ head. Blood runs down over his face and eyes from the wounds. This isn’t enough because they start hitting his head with reeds and shouting ā€œHail to the Kingā€ in mock reverence. Mary is on her knees repeating something again and again. Listening closely you can tell she is saying, Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu, melekh ha’olamā€¦ā€ (“Blessed are You, LORD our God, King of the universe) in praise of God. Join her in making reparation to the Lord for the mock reverence of the soldiers who know no better. 

You and Mary lay a red rose in Jesus’s cell once he is taken away for an interview with Pilate. 

The Fourth Sorrowful Mystery: Carrying the Cross

Rose hip: holy perseverance

[We keep] our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of our faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, heedless of its shame. Hebrews 12:2a

Your hand tightens on Mary’s as Jesus comes your way dazed and stumbling under the heavy weight of the cross, prodded on by soldiers. You don’t even want to look at Mary. It hurts too much. It hurts too much to see any of this anymore.  To shut it out you close your eyes. Then you remember, ā€œfor the sake of the joy that was set before him.ā€ Mary squeezes your hand and you understand that the joy set before the Lord that urges him on is yourself. You are his joy.  Open your eyes now. Don’t be afraid to join Mary in sharing his suffering. 

Once he has passed by, you and Our Lady lay a red rose on this path of sorrows.  

Fifth Sorrowful Mystery: The Crucifixion and Death of Jesus

Rose hip: sacrificial love

[His Mother whispered,] ā€œdo not be afraid of this executioner, but be worthy of your brothers and accept death, so that in the time of mercy I may receive you again with your brothers.ā€ -2 Maccabees 7:29

ā€œI’m not going to cry until he’s gone,ā€ she says in a low voice. You understand that she has to be present to him, even participate with him, united with him in heart and purpose. She wants to look at the face of her Son as long as he has left to live. She will grieve later. 

He is struggling to speak to her. ā€œMom. Mom, this is your son.ā€ Then he says to you,  Beloved Disciple, son, daughter, ā€œthis is your mother.ā€ 

Hold Mary close now as Jesus cries out in utter abandonment. Every strangled cry of his you can feel sending shock waves through her. And now his body is without life and the sky darkens. She collapses against you. Your prayer is only to hold her, to share her tears. 

Go together now to the foot of the cross and lay a red rose in the place of sacrifice. Unpetal the others and sprinkle them over Mary. Some of the petals stick to her tear stained face,Ā  some to her hair. Most flutter down to this holy ground which has become the altar of the world. She scoops them up and throws them toward the body of her Son. You do the same.Ā 

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Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.

A Christmas Rosary (The Joyful Mysteries)

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A personal tradition of mine on Christmas night after all the hubbub is done, the household is asleep, and the living room is dark, is to settle in a comfortable spot near the lit Christmas tree and pray a sweet rosary. Gently bathed in the multicolored lights of the tree, with something hot to drink, I’m especially comfortable and relaxed. Join me. šŸ™‚

Take me, Lord, to the center of everything, into the mysteries of your Incarnation and Childhood. Take me into Mary’s pondering heart.

If you forgot or don’t know how to pray the rosary, check here. for instructions.

If you don’t have a rosary guess what? God made us with the perfect number of fingers to make do with as a rosary of the moment!

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The important thing is to settle down and to pray with attentive love.

So take a few steady breaths. Most likely it’s been a long day hasn’t it? My head is usually swimming at the end of Christmas festivities even if they were nice. My feelings swirl around in me without much definition and I need quiet and solitude with God. Maybe you feel like that too. So take a nice deep breath so you can concentrate now, releasing it slowly. Smile a small smile in a relaxed way. Think of Mary’s joy. She was tired on this night too after all. Let’s relax with her and look at Jesus.

Come, Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Thy well- beloved spouse.

Proceed as usual with the Apostle’s Creed, an Our Father, and three Hail Marys in honor of her faith, hope and love that brought us to this moment with the Lord.

First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation to Mary and the Incarnation of the Lord within her

Mary’s humility was light, natural and free. Real humility is only the truth about ourselves and Mary was grounded and centered in truth. She was free to respond with wonder and love and also to ask for clarification from the Angel Gabriel. “How can this be since I am a virgin?” Once she understood how this would happen, in freedom and with love she accepted. God the Son became a tiny pin point asking for shelter and love and she said yes. It was a quiet thing. And he was there. Maybe she cried. Maybe she smiled. Maybe both.

ā€œTo whom God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.ā€

Colossians 1:27

The Second Joyful Mystery: The Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth

Mary seems to have gone alone to see her kinswoman Elizabeth. She didn’t hesitate, either. She “went with haste.” Nobody told her to. She seemed to just be drawn there. She must have felt full of the stars God showed Abraham as she hurried to Elizabeth’s, stars bright across the sky, stars in her body, woven in her hair, scatted in her path. I wonder if she felt so astonished and scared and excited that sometimes she ran? Elizabeth heard Mary’s voice calling to her. Nobody told her anything. She just knew. And it seemed the baby she carried knew too. She knew she was in the presence of the Lord and that Mary was her queen. Both women prophesied in joy. The first two Christians, the first two gathered in his Name. God took care of them both through one another. Mary needed understanding, partnership and support, someone to pray with her who was in on the Secret. Elizabeth needed help, companionship and understanding too. They must have had an amazing, as well as joyfully ordinary three months together, leaving both women stronger.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter:
    [she] that has found one has found a treasure.
 There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend,
    and no scales can measure [her] excellence.
 A faithful friend is an elixir of life;
    and those who fear the Lord will find [her].

Sirach 6:14-16

The Nativity of Jesus

None of the women of her family or village were there to help her. Men were not used to being part of the birthing process. But Joseph, surrounded by the kindly witness of the animals who seemed to understand, did his utmost for Mary that night in the dark, in the hay of a stable. Maybe she told him what she needed since she would have seen many births by then, going with her mother to help the other women. Joseph held her close and they prayed, wiping tears from each other’s faces, telling each other “You’re so brave!”

Mary laid the Baby in a feeding trough after his first nursing and after wrapping him in swaddling cloth she had brought with her, while Joseph cleaned up and brought her water. Then they would have placed the baby between them and slept, waking to feed him, to gently laugh and touch his soft little head wondering what was going to happen now as beyond the stable the rising star of Bethlehem shone out to the three wise men on their travels, and the angels sang to the shepherds in the fields filling the sky and their hearts with awe and joy.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, coming from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14
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The Presentation of the Baby Jesus in the Temple

Oh no this was not what she thought she would hear at all; that Jesus would be rejected? That her heart would be pierced with a sword? What did it mean? The Angel had not said this. But Simeon had recognized him. She and Joseph had listened astonished as the old man blessed God and declared he could go in peace because he had seen the Savior as God had promised him. The prophetess Ana had known him too, had spoken about him. What is this God was telling them!? Joseph was worried because Simeon hadn’t said anything about him which made him think Mary and Jesus would face this calamity alone and it broke his heart. But Joseph and Mary were brave young people, full of love and determination. They discussed Simeon’s words on their way home. What would they do? Maybe Joseph said that there was only one thing to do: to love Jesus and each other, and to go on knowing they would walk with him as far as the Lord allowed. Mary squeezed his hand. “After all,” she said, “what else is there?” “God is it,” Joseph said. “God is it and that’s it.”

I say to the LORD,

you are my Lord,

you are my only good.

Psalm 16:2

The Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple

“Mary, please try to eat,” Joseph pleaded. “Maybe you should sleep,” she said. “Maybe you will have one of your dreams.” But there was no sign, and no one knew where Jesus was. They prayed as they walked and searched with growing desperation, calling his name.

Finally they found him in the Temple. Mary interrupted the questions of the teachers of the law to embrace her Son. “Why have you done this to us? We have been looking for you everywhere!” Jesus was surprised. “Didn’t you know I would be here in my Father’s house?” The teachers were telling Joseph how amazed they had been to hear the uncanny wisdom of his child. Jospeh and Mary weren’t sure what was going on. But Jesus went home with them and kept growing, learning, and loving them, and they loved him back.

Maybe you feel like you have lost Jesus. Maybe you can’t find him and be with him the way you used to. But he is there in the Temple of your heart and you will find him again.

Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you?

Corinthians 13:5

Now imagine yourself with Mary. She is there with you, smiling gently, looking at you expectantly. Take her hand and pray the Hail Holy Queen. Add some words of your own. Maybe you would like to say, “Thank you Mother Mary. Thank you for all that you did to bring us Jesus and to be with us on our way.” Wish her a Merry Christmas. šŸ™‚ Merry Christmas Mother Mary. And happy birthday, Lord. Happy birthday to you. 

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Texas, what the heck?

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I have been puzzled by recent attempts by the Texas legislature to bring religion into the schools. What were our leaders expecting to accomplish by putting the Ten Commandments on classroom walls (this one failed) in public schools? (And anyway why not the Beatitudes?)

And now what do they want with putting chaplains in schools to do the mental health work that school counselors usually do? To save money? In that case what about having other religious leaders from other religions in as well? I haven’t heard anything about that so I don’t know.

If the chaplains at school idea fails (it went into effect September 1 but I anticipate problems) I expect there will be another way proposed to bring their version of Christianity into the public schools of Texas.

But what are they trying to do exactly?

Having been raised without religion during a time when prayer was allowed at school and commonly practiced, I can say that it was always uncomfortable for me, sometimes upsetting and often embarrassing. I used to hide under my desk sometimes- and get in trouble for that and for my lack of participation. I was in first grade but I felt very much like they were disrespecting my parents and what they believed in and how they wanted to raise us, though I don’t remember talking to my parents about this

Having religion forced on me by the school, and being consequently judged about my lack of it by the other kids and their parents too, kept me closed to any relationship with Jesus for years. So their actions seemed counter productive to me and manipulative too. What good does that kind of exposure to religion do God?

Why would God want anyone to come to him by fear or force? (And anyway how would that be possible)? I can’t imagine that he could possibly want that. The whole point of life with God is love. You can’t force love. How can anyone come to love God when God means empty conformity and the enforcement of rules?

And do our leaders actually think that there is no moral code outside the Ten Commandments? That nobody knows right from wrong if they don’t see them? I don’t know. They probably do think that.

I just can’t get my head around this.

Do they think that God approves of religion as a form of government control? What an insult to true faith that is. What kind of God does that “make” God (as if you can make God be or do anything)? Just as you can’t force love you certainly can’t force faith either.

Maybe they think the kids have never been exposed to the Ten Commandments? Maybe not. But how do they know? Anyway some of the Commandments sound very different to a secular person than they do to a religious person. Without love and understanding they can sound just mean. The part about coveting your neighbor’s possessions in which the neighbor’s wife is listed as a possession, I would not want a kid to read without explanation and some adjustment to the current understanding that women are not men’s property.

What are you trying to do Texas?

Do tell.

Because it looks like an insult to both God and to kids who are not religious or who are from religions other than Judaism or Christianity. My Catholic faith teaches me that we are to respect other religions and people. This is not it.

Jesus said to do unto others they way you would want them to do with you. Wouldn’t we freak out if the Eight Noble Truths of the Buddha or a list of Yogic principles of conduct were were being put on school walls? Or if an Imam were being sent in to do counseling at school?

Plenty of Christians would definitely be out protesting for religious liberty, demanding the Bible be displayed, our priests and preachers sent in as well. We would certainly object to religion being taught in classrooms then.

We’re not being good Christians by attempting force, exclusion and control when it comes to Jesus. I think he would hate that. Jesus wants us to choose him and love him for real and of our own free will. Right?

What are we doing here? What do we really think is going to happen?

I love you, Texas. You’re my home and my people.

But what are you trying to do? This is just crazy talk.

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