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Nativity


None of the women of her family or village were there to help her. Men were not used to being part of the birthing process. But Joseph, surrounded by the kindly witness of the animals who seemed to understand, did his utmost for Mary that night in the dark, in the hay of a stable. Maybe she told him what she needed since she would have seen many births by then, going with her mother to help the other women. Joseph held her close and they prayed, wiping tears from each other’s faces, telling each other “You’re so brave!”

Mary laid the Baby in a feeding trough after his first nursing and after wrapping him in swaddling cloth she had brought with her, while Joseph cleaned up and brought her water. Then they would have placed the baby between them and slept, waking to feed him, to gently laugh and touch his soft little head wondering what was going to happen now as beyond the stable the rising star of Bethlehem shone out to the three wise men on their travels, and the angels sang to the shepherds in the fields filling the sky and their hearts with awe and joy.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, coming from the Father, full of grace and truth.JOHN 1:14

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Marian Holy Spirit Novena

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Day 1

“Come, Holy Ghost, Creator blest,
and in our hearts take up Thy rest;
come with Thy grace and heavenly aid
to fill the hearts which Thou hast made. 
O comforter, to Thee we cry,
O heavenly gift of God Most High,
O fount of life and fire of love,
and sweet anointing from above.”

– “Come Holy Ghost, Creator Blest”


Come, Holy Spirit! Come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Thy well beloved spouse.

.
Oh Comforter with Mary let us travel the world by our prayer of the heart, touching the faces of those who weep, whispering to every soul, “Love is here.” that they may truly experience Divine Love in a conscious way. Sweep over the world with a mighty creative wind bringing peace and Mary’s kiss everywhere your inspiration is most needed.
Pour out your power and love with the grace to receive it, to radiate You as Mary does.

Day 2

“Indeed, the earth will be filled with knowledge

of the glory of the LORD,

as water fills the sea.” Habekkuk 2:14

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary Thy well beloved spouse


Immersed in the pure heart of Mary let us pray her soul’s deep longing “May the knowledge of God fill the earth as water fills the sea.” As the moon draws the ocean tides may Mary’s prayer and love draw the Spirit to rest on her children gently urging us nearer and nearer to God. May we be pure of heart and blessed with the vision of the Lord.


Day 3

“Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.”
Psalm 19 1-4a

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary they well beloved spouse.

Mary you are the Throne of Wisdom and the Star of Evangelization. So filled were you with the Holy Spirit your presence refreshed the souls and brought light to the eyes of those who came into contact with you. In your sweet simplicity and inner strength you made anyone who spoke with you feel in themselves a measure of your faith. Though your dusty and calloused feet were firmly planted on the earth there was a quiet mystery about you, something bright though unseen. People who came near you wondered where the gentle calming breeze that stilled their anxious minds could have come from. As we live in your presence today may we sense you near and smile.

Day 4

“…the fruit of the Spirit is love,

joy, peace, patience, kindness,

generosity, faithfulness,

gentleness,

self-control.”

(Galatians 5:22-23a)


Come, Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, they well beloved spouse.

Mary by your prayer for us and our commitment to you may our hearts fully flower with the fruits of the Spirit. May the inflow of God engender the effortless outflow of his will, which is always love, into the world through us in our thoughts words and actions.
May we know your easy laugh, your joyful smile, your grounded-ness in the continual awareness of the presence and movements of the Holy Spirit. May we experience the peace only God can give.

Day 5

“It was revealed to them that

they were not serving themselves

but you,

when they spoke of the things that have now been told you

by those who have preached the Gospel to you

by the Holy Spirit sent from Heaven.

Even angels long to look into these things.”

1 Peter 1: 12

Come, Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immacukate Heart of Mary, they well beloved spouse.

Mary let us live in your heart, the shrine of the Holy Spirit, that we might serve others authentically, experiencing Jesus in the help we give as you lived in his presence taking care of him. In your quiet way you visited the sick, tended the dying, assisted at births, watched the other women’s children for them when they needed a hand. You cared for everyone you met and smiled at every human face. The work you did for others must have carried a sense of liturgy in each movement you made because of your attentiveness and the prayerful quality of your presence. Make us aware oh Mary, of the beauty of what we do, maybe especially the most simple things, that all might be alive in love, each humble task done in the Spirit.

Day 6

“When Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and ublessed is vthe fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of wmy Lord should come to me?”
(Luke 1:40-43)

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, thy well beloved spouse.

Mary we want to hear your voice, to know the Lord is with you, to recognize his presence. We want to you to come to us, Mother of Our Lord, our Queen Mother. Come and stay with us, talk to us, pray with us, help us around the house and in our struggles too when we need you most. Bring the Holy Spirit in your wake and sing to us your song oh Mary, of you vision of the Gospel. Help us to joyfully follow your Son without compromise. Allow us to praise you oh Sacred Virgin, with the inspiration of the Spirit who overshadowed you and brought the Lord Jesus to us.
Hail Mary…

Day 7

“Commit thy way unto the LORD.” – Psalm 37: 5

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary they well beloved spouse.

Our Lady of Good Counsel, in union with the Holy Spirit you guide us in all our ways. Be with us in all of our discernment and each desire of our hearts to keep us in the will of the Lord. Obtain for us the Holy Spirits’ gift of Counsel that we may be truly wise and always move with the nudges of the Holy Spirit and to be willing to let go of our own ways and expectations, open to those of the Spirit just as you were so bravely, Holy Mother.

Day 8

And when we pray 
Do we listen to the Silent Wind? 
And if we pray 
Will we listen for the Silent Wind? 
And when we pray
Is our hand against the Silent Wind? 
And if we pray 
Will we breathe in the Silent Wind?

Come, Holy Spirit, come by means of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, thy well beloved spouse.

Do we Blessed Mother? Do we listen to the Silent Wind that swept you off your feet, asked everything of you and gave you a life, an eternity beyond anything anybody could possibly dream in the most glittering of dreams? Oh Mary May we never turn our hands against the Spirit of God but instead learn to open ourselves, to be still and receptive and ready for anything, to have our lives filled with impossible colors of richness and beauty even though we often must suffer. Even suffering will contain great meaning and carry us deeply into the Heart of Jesus and his mystery if we can become lighter and more movable by the Silent Wind, embracing all as you did.

Day 9

“[They] devoted themselves with one accord to prayer, together with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus.” Acts 1:14a

Come, Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, they well beloved spouse.

Holy Spirit, you came once again to Mary, now as Mother of the Church, the family of believers gathered around her. As St. Therese said she wanted to be, Mary was and is “love in the Heart of the Church.” Come Holy Spirit and make us so. In union with Mary may we be love within the Church, to heal, strengthen, to sanctify, to love and evangelize under your guidance and with your inspiration. Open the way before us, illuminate the darkness of this world beleaguered, of the Church longing for her Bridegroom to come to her, let us be a light to all who need your grace and peace and Divine LOVE.

We have reached the end of our novena and now we wait in prayer with Mary Mother of the Church for your mighty wind, your tongues of fire sent to enlighten and enliven us, to teach us all things, to reveal your love. Come, Holy Spirit.
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The Ascension

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To us who celebrate it every year the Ascension of Jesus  seems to naturally follow the initial celebration of his Resurrection. 

However I imagine it was an earth shattering surprise to his followers that he would be leaving them yet again. 

When I reflect on this event as part of the rosary the virtue I link to the Ascension is detachment as I see him beautifully disappear before the eyes of his followers as “a  cloud removed him from their sight.” 

The family of believers had to let go of their expectations that Jesus as they knew him would permanently remain to walk and talk with them. Again they had to face that Jesus was not about to get rid of the Roman occupiers either. There would be no restoration of the Davidic Kingdom  in the literal way they had thought of it. And the One they loved was going to withdraw from them yet again. They must have felt as if they were back from the defining experience of their lives with nothing to show for it, as if they were just a rag tag group of people standing on a mountainside for no particular reason. They were shocked and bereft. They didn’t understand what Jesus meant about him having to leave that the Holy Spirit could come to them. How could they? 

When the angel said that Jesus would be back they must have shaken their heads. Jesus had said for them to go and baptize, to take his message to the world. This must have seemed like too much for them, an overwhelming task, especially on their own. 

They had to greatly expand their understanding of God even past the miraculous three years they had left everything for and deeply identified with now. 

They had to let go so they could be filled and receive Jesus in a whole new way, by his presence in their hearts, and to come to know the Holy Spirit who was new to them. 

How can we receive the Spirit without detachment, self emptying, without freedom of heart? 

“Love- the way God wants to be loved, and leave off your own way of acting,” said St. John of the Cross. 

Or, as Jesus said to St. Angela of Foligno, “Make of yourself a capacity and I will make myself a torrent.” 

Jesus said that if his friends loved him they would be happy he was going to the Father. (Jon.14:28) Is there something more to that than being happy for him? Yes, because he says, “for the Father is greater than I.” Maybe it also means that we have to let our current perhaps more comfortable understanding go to make room for the immensity he has for us. We can be happy he is going to the Father because then, in letting him go as we thought we had him, he then is truly closer than our breath, more accessible than ever. Detachment is hard. We feel that we are losing our Treasure.   

 St. Faustina said of Mary’s experience of the Ascension that she deeply grieved as any mother would  that her Son was leaving but that, “her heart could not want what God did not want.” 

In seeking a pure heart for God and a Marian detachment; a detachment with great love, a detachment even from the way we thought Jesus would be present to us, we open ourselves to what is even greater, beyond what we could ever have thought of ourselves.  But first we let go. 

“Bend  my heart according to your will, O God.” (Ps. 119:36) 

Then, 

“I shall run in your paths for You will enlarge my heart.” (Psalm 119:32)

In this is peace that comes from open-ness to God and freedom of heart.

These verses are a perfect prayer to cultivate holy detachment as the disciples struggled to do this, standing there on the Mount of Olives, not knowing what to do with themselves. 

Fortunately we don’t have to rely on our own strength in this and neither did they.

Jesus had said to wait in Jerusalem and to pray. They did. They trusted in simplicity. And prayer continually purified theirattachments and intentions as disciples, transforming their dismay into receptivity.   

They still longed for Jesus; his voice, his hug, the sound of his footsteps, “like a deer that longs for running streams in a dry weary land without water,” (Ps. 42:2)  However they soon found that once emptied, their muddled and broken hearts were then open to the new gift of God’s presence; the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, filling them past overflowing, their thirst for God more than quenched.  “Your torrents and all your waves swept over me.”  (Ps. 42: 8)

Come, Holy Spirit, come. 

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With joyful love

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With Jesus risen and back for forty days I bet Our Lady could hardly stop cooking and bringing him food, watching him eat. It was probably hard not to hug him every minute. I bet she kept looking in on him when he was asleep, draping him in too many blankets because she was so happy to bring them and cover him up again. Let’s tend to Jesus like that too. Let’s treasure him and peek in at him and bring him things and wait for a moment we can hug him again and have a look at those wounds, kissing them many many times.

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Blessed Octave of Easter ♥️

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Mary’s Preparations for the Passover

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Where was Mary during the day Holy Thursday?

I think Mary would have been helping to prepare her Son’s last Passover today with the other women, feeling the tip of the sword in her heart as she chopped vegetables, listened to the chatter in the kitchen as her heart began to bleed. But I imagine at the same time she would have carried a shining joy because of her love for him.

She would have wanted to make this night beautiful for him and for the others too. At intense times like the last hours we will have with someone we love terribly, we are drawn deeply into the moment. We stay in the now letting love define it.

Her simple actions she had performed many times would have taken on an almost liturgical rhythm, a stillness in her heart, a sense of the sacramental as she cooked and stirred and set the table for him and his followers. Maybe she knew what he had planned for the evening. Maybe she would be as surprised as anyone. But she had to know his hour had come.

Remembering this and that she placed wildflowers at each place around the table, working her way around blessing silently each one who would sit there.

I think she would have snuck off to pray for this night, for all Jesus needed to say and do, her mother’s heart clutched with the frantic desire that this cup would pass him by, loving him and us enough to know if it couldn’t she must accept that it had to happen this way.
Back among the others maybe she let her eyes linger on every face with prayerful love, knowing they were about to be horribly tried by whatever happened next, but praying her Son ‘s words would have their full sway with them tonight.

She tried to prepare herself too.

“Bend my heart according to your will O God.” (Psalm 119:36)

Maybe God said to her that he always heard her prayers and would always do as she asked.

Maybe she told him she would always do as he asked too. “

Maybe she repeated to herself and to God her “Let it be done,” as she had at the Annunciation.

” At some point perhaps as she carried in water, or brought something needed to the table, her eyes would have caught Jesus’s for a second and they silently would have strengthened one another.

Oh Mary help us prepare our hearts for this commemoration, our participation in this Holy Night.

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The Annunciation

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Imprinted fondly in my memory is the picture for “The First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation” in the little paper book that taught me how to pray the rosary, The image showed a stately Mary, tall and dignified even on her knees. Her tiny perfect and improbably small hands are held out before the golden haired Archangel Gabriel. Neither of their faces show any emotion. They look  like brightly painted statues. 

 As I tried to learn the rosary the Annunciation story from the first chapter of Luke’s Gospel was brand new to me. Reading it I was intrigued that God seemed to be asking Mary to be the Mother of Jesus. The Lord is not telling her or just making it happen. She understands this is a request and says yes. I was impressed with the spunk she showed in asking the Archangel for clarification before she responded. 

I wondered what she felt. What did Gabriel think? Was he surprised at God’s choice of this young girl? Was he a bit worried? Or did he see as God sees, captivated by Mary’s beautiful soul?

The picture didn’t say much to me about either Mary or Gabriel’s thoughts.

It alienated  me a bit that the serene statuesque and otherworldly Mary gave no hint that she was a real person. I think we can easily make the same mistake unconsciously. That keeps too much distance between us and Mary. If we think of Mary as a wispy apparition of untouchable holiness how can we be close to her? I wanted very much to be close to her. 

My little rosary book suggested I think of “Mary’s obedience and submission” when she gave her consent to become the Mother of God as I reflected and prayed. I know she had these virtues. 

However to me her courage and love are what amaze me. She accepted this commission for the love of God and for our sakes. I  think she was filled with joy and excitement once she got over the holy terror of the angel’s presence and the unimaginable message he brought and his strange greeting  calling her “full of grace.” 

She would, as someone whose life was woven through with Scripture, have known how Gideon was greeted by an angel in Judges 6:12

The angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon and said, “The Lord is with you, ·mighty warrior!” (What? Me?) 

It’s true of Mary though. If you read Genesis 3:15 she is in battle with the Evil One. She is a mighty warrior. The word we see translated as “enmity” (EBAH) here in Hebrew connotes the  total hatred of  sworn enemies continually  at war with one another. She and Jesus are at war against Satan. 

And I will put enmity

    between you and the woman,

    and between your offspring and hers;

he will crush your head,

    and you will strike his heel.”

For us she is the new Eve, the woman who is Mother of the Messiah to come whom this verse predicts will crush the Serpent. 

I wonder if she thought of that verse too? She surely would have known it. 

She definitely would have wondered what “full of grace” could possibly mean. She wouldn’t have been able to place it because the only other person to be called “full of grace” in the Bible would be her Son who was yet to come. 

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1: 14)

There would have been a lot of surprises for Mary that day. 

What?! God has a Son? This is new. 

“Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One” (Dt. 6:4) would have been recited by her family daily, and at Synagogue on the Sabbath. 

What?! The Messiah is coming? Now? Through me? 

She bravely asks how this is going to work since she is a virgin, a state she intends to remain in apparently since the Angel had not said when this conception would occur and she was legally engaged to be married. It could have come about in the usual way. She trusts but she does ask for understanding. (Luke 1:34) 

Once she understands she is all in! 

Our Lady declaring herself as the handmaid of the Lord is her saying she sees herself as the God’s low ranking servant. At  the same time a handmaid has a very intimate place with the one she waits on. She is at his side handing him things, at his side as a helper, quietly present  for everything.  Maybe in this moment  she suddenly realizes who she is and voices this. Maybe she always felt different but didn’t know why. Now in her humility she is filled with awe. After all humility is simply the truth about one’s self and inspires gratitude. 

“The Lord has done great things for me and holy is his Name.” (Luke 1:49)

Rather than merely a gracious answer of  obedience and submission  I think Mary’s “yes” may  have been more like Alan Shepherd saying “Let’s light this candle!” when he was about to blast off to the moon, more like the impetuous embrace of a joyful daughter of Israel. 

It seems to me she would have wept with astonishment and the deepest joy. Maybe Gabriel did too. 

Thinking of the Annunciation with Mary as very human and scared and amazed and surprised and real helps me feel close to her in that moment everything changed and God was among us. 

I can almost feel her catch her breath –  the wind of the Spirit rustling her hair. 

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The Sacred Humanity of the Risen Lord

All Easter day Jesus was playing hide and seek, surprising different disciples in different places and in different ways, all of these encounters beyond anything they ever thought they would see and know.  It had been an overwhelming day, a world inside out day. 

They had denied, laughed, and no doubt cried. They experienced impossible things they could hardly process. It was too astonishing to make sense. 

By Easter evening, they were settled for the time being, and they said, “Stay with us Lord, for evening draws near.” (Lk. 24:29)

They got to be with him for forty more undoubtedly beautiful days. 

It must have been hard to stop looking at him, hard to stop hugging him, hard to calm down and just be with him. Maybe it was easier in the glow of the fire to relax in his presence, to enjoy his tenderness and love for them, to truly believe in his reality.  

 He had shown the disciples his wounds, invited them to touch him, eat and drink with him. He wanted them to know he wasn’t a ghost, of course. But I also think he wanted to reiterate something of the utmost importance in the spiritual life of a Christian; that Our Lord is a real person. After the resurrection, he is still as real as before, the same man they experienced and traveled with during his ministry… except for that walking through locked doors thing, and that rising from the dead part… still their same holy Friend. 

His disciples are not having a vision, but actual contact. 

There is always the temptation among people of prayer over the centuries of Christianity, to relate to Jesus as only spirit. St. Teresa of Jesus (Avila) saw this and the Doctor of Prayer made sure we understood that the only way to true intimacy with the Lord is through his Sacred Humanity. We are not angel spirits, but human beings, and that is our way to him who became incarnate for us. 

He still is incarnate for us. 

It is amazing to me that this Teacher who tended to buck religious regulations, customs and rituals if they got in the way of necessity, or especially,  the obedience of the love of God and the pre-eminence of charity, to suddenly, at the end of his earthly life, give us the Eucharist and make it a permanent ritual sacrament for all time. In the Eucharist, we will always have his physical presence with us as well as his divine presence. We will always be able to eat and drink with him (and of him) at mass. 

We can sit with him in Adoration in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, as a real and accessible person.

He said, “I will be with you always until the end of the age.” Mtt. 28:20

Sometimes we forget the Treasure we have in the Eucharist.  

Because he is a real person, but also divine, we can take him home with us, too, and say, “Stay with us, Lord.” 

He said, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” (Jn. 14:20) This isn’t just a nice thought. His presence in us is so real that that is exactly how our bodies will rise from death on the last day. 

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit who dwells in you. (Rom. 8:11) How real can he get? 

And also, St. Paul asks, “Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you?” (2 Cor. 13:5b)

Jesus is real and he is within us as real. 

St. Teresa would add “and we should not leave him there alone!” 

He said, “No longer do I call you servants but friends.” (Jn. 15:15a)

We can’t be friends with an idea. We can’t fall in love with a vision or a ghost. 

But Jesus with his dirty feet and rough calloused hands, Jesus the real person, we definitely can. 

We can love him and see him the way he wants to be seen and loved: as real! (Jn. 20:27)  

St. Teresa said that interior prayer and being with Jesus is “nothing else but falling in love with Christ, frequently conversing in secret with him who we know loves us.” (translation, Fr. Otillio Rodrigues, O.C.D.) 

The Christian life is a life of friendship with Jesus in his Sacred Humanity, with a real and accessible, truly present and incomprehensibly humble Lord who is truly in and with us.  

We too should look at him, touch him, peek in at him when he is sleeping to make sure he is still there, hear his voice as alive and active, ask him, “Stay with us Lord.” 

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Wake up! It’s Easter!

Some types of darkness are so complete I wonder what I was calling darkness before. Fiddling with the scree at the bottom of the cave floor I am sitting on, my hand bumps into the most unlikely thing in the world… flowers? They are not dried flowers but living ones. I can feel their soft petals. I sense him smiling in the dark. 

“What are we doing?” I ask Jesus. He doesn’t say anything so I take his cue and don’t say anything either. 

It never occurred to me that the Risen Lord might have wanted to sit and reflect before he came out of the tomb but it makes sense.  Before I take a big step that turns the world upside down that is what I do too. 

And then I think that it would have been possible for him not to tell anyone that he had risen from the dead. He could have just done it in the secret of the tomb and ascended without an audience. The victory would still have been won. But Jesus isn’t like that. He wants to bring us all in, share everything with us. He wants us to choose him and engage with him in life. Even the work of bringing all the world in on this most mind boggling gift he doesn’t keep to himself. 

He wants us to share in the power flowing from his resurrection and to shine out for everyone. 

He wanted us to know what he was doing for us not when we got to Heaven but right away, and to act on it in this life. 

I wonder what he is thinking about over there.

I want to be closer to him so I start edging toward where I think I may have heard him scratching around.  I keep bumping into waxy plants of some kind. Going over them with my hands I realize they are lilies. They smell like lilies; that mild, sweet fragrance they have. 

“What are you thinking about?” I ask him. “Everything,” he says, and I am at his side.

 “Things that have happened? Things that will happen?” I ask. 

He chuckles which makes me laugh too, so glad to be in this moment with him. 

We stand together and I do my best to follow him. It must be time. 

We pause and I feel a roundish jagged rock in front of me. It is so strange that it is covered with a wild tangle of roses. I know they are roses because of their beautiful and unmistakable scent. 

I never know what is going to happen around him but I do know it will always be life, life  and more life! 

I am almost giggling thinking of how surprised Mary Magdalene is going to be when she sees him. I am so happy I will get to see this. 

“Are you ready?” he asks. “This is where things get really crazy.”. 

I don’t know what to say. Why is he asking me if I’m ready? 

“I’ve been waiting for you, Lord.” I say. 

“For me?” he asks. 

Something about the way he says it causes my understanding to shift. With amazement  I realize this is my tomb, not his.  It is I who am about to rise with him and go out from here as something or someone I am not sure I will recognize. Also he said things were about to get crazy so … I hesitate. 

He seems to think this is great fun however, and I can’t help but be infected with his joyous excitement; his happiness because he loves me and he came that I might live, and live to the full and forever with him.  

I embrace Jesus and I tell him I am ready. We step back and we count together, “1…. 2….3!” 

And what about you? 

Hey, COME OUT OF THERE! 

“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:14

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Easter Evening: “Stay with us, Lord.”

When I wake up on Easter morning what I usually feel is happy for Jesus. He is the first person I say “Happy Easter” to. Happy Easter, Beloved Lord. You win!
Love is stronger than death, oh Love Itsef!

Then I think of the Church all over the world and how we are all together in spirit, experiencing this day that is not just a remebrance of the past, but something happening now, a special time of grace from Heaven as we all celebrate together.

Then I think of all the people I miss, especially my family that have died, and I am so grateful I will see them again because of this Lord who accomlished it.

Granted this has been the strangest Easter in any of our lifetimes, but that’s another thing about Easter. Jesus is unstoppable.

I had a good enough day, and was able to pray with my youngest daughter and her four year old in our traditional way. I heard from my eldest daughter, and my friends too. I have had time to pray and reflect and listen to music that is special to me at Easter. It was sad to be away from mass and that is an understatement. I am sure you can understand too.

It was a quiet day, and pretty outside. I blew bubbles on the back porch with my granddaughter, a sweet way to end the day.

And now my place is quiet again. I think about how this is the time maybe the disciples settled down enough they could just enjoy Jesus.

All day he was playing hide and seek, surprising different disciples in different places and in different, wonderful ways, all of them crazy. It had been an overwhelming day, a world inside out day.

They had laughed and cried and screamed, tried to understand and experience impossible things and some couldn’t even believe their own eyes. It was too astonishing.

All that was settled now, and they said, “Stay with us Lord, for evening draws near.”

They got to be with him for 40 more undoubtedly beautiful days.

It must have been hard to stop looking at him, hard to stop hugging him, hard to calm down and just be with him. Maybe it was easier in the glow of the fire to relax in his presence, to enjoy his tenderness and love for them.

To me the signature of the touch of the Lord is tenderness. This is something I am deeply grateful for today.

Sometimes I don’t emotionally identify with Easter that much. My life feels like a long Holy Saturday after several Good Fridays. I’m not complaining. I want to say that I am aware that I possess a much deeper joy than emotional happiness, though I would say I am happy enough, even after all the losses. I have been aware of this joy through it all, not to say I haven’t been desolate because I have. It’s the joy of that rock solid knowledge of God all the way to the center of my soul. I don’t think I would have that if I hadn’t gone through hell so many times; emotional hell, and spiritual desolation.

“My one companion is darkness,” the Psalmist wrote (Psalm 81.) In some ways this is still true, my soul cleared of so many things that filled it. But there is something beyond that emptiness. That something is what I am made of now. The darkness has a radience to it. I lost all the lushness of my spirituality and gained infinitely more. Maybe the disciples found something in their own souls similar after the Ascension.

Carl Jung, asked if he believed in God, said, “No.”
And then he added, “I don’t believe, I KNOW.”

I can identify with that.

I don’t believe in the Resurrection. I know. And that’s a gift of the Resurrection itself, of the power flowing from it.

Even when I don’t necessarily “feel” God I just know and that’s enough for me.

When I do sense his presence, that tenderness I also know as his sign. I hope he feels my tenderness too.

Jesus said, “I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

In the evening we can rest in that. We can know.

full moon illustration
Photo by Alex Andrews on Pexels.com

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